Rookie Roulette
by pusa.is.me
Summary: A collection of one-shots featuring the Rookie Nine, Team Gai, the Sand Siblings, and Sai. Twelfth shot: ShinoTenJi: And then she was swimming away, turning every once in a while to wave at them, before she disappeared into the horizon, and Neji was sure his heart disappeared right along with her.
1. NejiTen: Just (Best) Friends

**Title: Just (Best) Friends**

**Characters: Neji, Tenten, Lee, mention of others**

**Requested by: Ichigo-chan**

**Prompt: **** NejiTen: ****A fuffy, bestfriendy, confessy one**

**Universe: Alternate**

**Category: Romance/Friendship**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: ****Ten years of friendship promised him a permanent spot in the proverbial friend zone, and there was little he could do to get out of it, save for literally plucking a star in the night sky and offering it to her on a platter.**

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**Opening Song: "Horchata" by Vampire Weekend**

a.

From the very start, Neji knew it was a _very _bad idea to fall in love with his best friend. He just knew it.

Tenten was, after all, quirky and popular and everything that he was not, and there was nothing that he could offer her that any of her past boyfriends hadn't before. Besides, ten years of friendship promised him a permanent spot in the proverbial friend zone, and there was little he could do to get out of it, save for literally plucking a star in the night sky and offering it to her on a platter. Except, of course, that would probably mean he had to destroy the entire planet in the process, and Tenten along with it.

Besides, Tenten was not the type of girl—woman, he kept forgetting they've graduated from college, finally—who would appreciate such foolish romantic antics anyway.

All unimportant details aside, Neji did not think it was wise to ruin whatever they had with insignificant _feelings_, because Tenten was more important to him than any other girls combined, and he knew that he amounted the same to her, him and Lee combined.

That was what usually ten years of friendship did.

b.

"So, Kiba finally asked me out, as predicted," Tenten chirped, as she sprawled on the carpeted floor of Neji and Lee's apartment, stomach propped against a throw pillow, a bowl of caramel popcorn in front of her. Neji sat on the couch, left arm draped on the backrest, a similar bowl of treats on his lap. _Lion King _was playing on DVD, but both of them had seen it tens of times in the past, together with Lee, who insisted that Timon and Pumba were the most youthful Disney characters created, _ever._

Neji nodded, as if he expected the conversation to take place sooner or later. They had noticed how the Inuzuka kid from next door eyed Tenten since Neji and Lee moved five months past, and he was actually three months due of asking her out, if Tenten's record with other guys was any indication.

"He said we could walk his dog Akamaru in the park on Saturday," Tenten continued, thumbing through the bowl in search of that lone walnut that got mixed up with the popcorn. "Play Frisbee or something, maybe."

"Maybe," Neji echoed, not really paying his best friend much attention, preferring to listen to Elton John belt out "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" while Simba chased Nala down the waterfalls.

"So you think I should go?"

Neji blinked and turned to Tenten, who was still on the floor. "You haven't given him an answer yet?" It was seldom for Tenten to turn down a date, and very rarely did she ask for his opinion about the guys who courted her.

Tenten shrugged as she pushed herself up. "Well, he's your neighbor, so I figured you could tell me if he's some sort of serial killer or something."

Neji raised an eyebrow. "Right, because obviously I wouldn't call the cops had I known that."

Tenten chuckled and stood up, plucked the bowl of popcorn from Neji's lap, and sat down on _him_. At Neji's raised eyebrow, she shrugged again and leaned back against his chest. "What? You're cuddlier than the floor." She grinned and offered him the bowl.

"Popcorn?"

c.

"Sasuke will be here in five minutes, you know," Tenten muttered as she pressed a washcloth against Neji's forehead. They were in her apartment, two weeks after her date with Kiba, and her latest fling, Uchiha Sasuke, her officemate for six months, the official heartthrob of their company, was scheduled to pick her up for dinner and a movie.

_And maybe something more, _Neji couldn't stop himself from thinking, miserably at that.

Tenten was already dressed up half an hour ago, and was just applying the finishing touches of her mascara, when Neji had inconveniently knocked on her front door, telling him that he was locked out and Lee was still halfway across the state, and could he stay because his head was killing him?

The girl—no, woman—pulled the thermometer out of Neji's mouth and sighed. "101.3," she whispered, exasperated. "Great, just perfect. You haven't been sick in five years, and you choose tonight, of all nights, to catch the flu. Do you know how long I've waited for Sasuke to actually notice me?" She sighed. And then, more to herself than her sick companion, "Damn that Lee. The one time I actually _want _him to be here, and he is off in some romantic escapade with Sakura. _Damn_ that lovesick idiot."

Tenten sighed once again and stood up, but not before tucking the blanket around Neji's shoulders. "Better call Sasuke and cancel, I guess."

"You don't have to do that," Neji murmured, then followed it with a fit of coughs. "Lee can just pick me up later. I just need an hour of sleep."

"Like hell I'm going to leave you when you're like that," Tenten scowled, poking Neji's forehead in annoyance. "The last time you got sick, we had to rush you to the ER because you stopped _breathing_. I'm not going to let you die in my apartment alone, you know. My insurance doesn't cover _other_ dead people."

"I'm not going to die because of the flu, Tenten." Cough, cough. Sniff, sniff. More coughing.

"Right." Tenten rolled her eyes and grabbed her phone on the bedside table. "What, don't you want me to play nurse and kiss you better?" she asked as she searched for Sasuke's number in her phonebook.

Neji stiffened. "I didn't—"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm kidding," she said, distractedly, as she placed her phone against her left ear. "There is no way I'm kissing you when you're like _that. _You're contagious!" And then, with a small smile gracing her lips, "Hey, Sasuke? Yeah, me too. Listen . . . "

Neji could only watch her as she walked away from him, hips swishing in time with the throbbing in his head.

d.

Three months later, Neji came home from a very tiring day in the office to find Tenten under his blankets, hair ruffled, eyes swollen red, his favorite blue T-shirt wrinkled around her small form.

"Hey," she whispered, offering him a small smile, before burying her face in his pillow. "Lee just ran to the convenient store to get me some ice cream. He should be back in a while."

Neji sat down on the side of his bed, as if the idea of Tenten being there, in _his _clothes, without his knowledge, was not that surprising.

"Who is it?" he merely whispered, placing a warm hand on her shoulder, coaxing her to face him.

"No one," Tenten mumbled against the pillow, refusing to look at him. Instead, she wiggled until she was pressed against his hip, sniffing once, twice, before wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Tenten."

Tenten sniffed once more before pulling herself up and crawling on Neji's lap. She buried her head in the crook of his neck, and Neji felt hot tears kiss his skin.

"It wasn't his fault," she insisted, sniffing once again. "_I _broke up with him." A pause, as Neji silently placed a hand against the small of her back. "He got upset after, 'tis all."

"What did he do?" Neji demanded, voice cracking in anger, for the unknown man who turned his best friend—one of the strongest, toughest persons he knew—into a puddle of tears.

"Nothing," Tenten whispered, tightening her hold against him.

"Tell me," Neji almost hissed, and the woman in his arms shivered in response. "Tenten, who is it this time? What did he do?"

His best friend sighed, pulling her face away from his neck and then wiping her nose at the collar of his office polo. "He called me a _bitch_, that's all. Don't worry about it, okay?" she said when Neji felt his muscles contract in so much _fury. _"Lee will be back with ice cream and it will make things better."

And then she was buried in his arms again, and all Neji could do was try his best to console her, to keep his mind from thinking murderous thoughts.

e.

Tenten sighed as she pressed an ice bag against Lee's right temple. Their hyper best friend thanked her, and then proceeded to shower her with a litany of praises for her concern and the wonders of her blossoming youth, which made Tenten press the bag more roughly than she had intended, until Lee had no choice but to pull the bag away from her.

"Baka," she muttered as she stood up and walked to where Neji was seated on the floor. "All right," she said, holding the first aid kit in front of him. "Your turn."

"I'm fine," Neji said, even when his lip was bleeding and he was sporting a purple bruise under his right eye.

"I'm going to sock you if you don't let me treat that," Tenten threatened, and Neji relented, knowing that threats from his female best friend were usually accompanied with more threats and physical pain.

"You guys are both idiots," Tenten said matter-of-factly as she poured antiseptic on a cotton ball. "I mean, how did you even know where Kankuro lives?"

"Tenten, my youthful flower!" Lee bounced somewhere to their left, obviously forgetting his injuries. "You should not doubt our ability to protect your honor from the villains of love!"

"Really?" A roll of the eyes. "And you just had to challenge him the one day his brother Gaara is in town. You're lucky all you got are cuts and bruises. Gaara belongs to a gang in another city!"

"He shouldn't have called you that, Tenten!" Lee continued. "We will never let anyone tarnish your reputation with such vulgar words!"

Tenten raised an eye at Neji, as if it was him that spouted such nonsense—except it was not nonsense, because Neji agreed with Lee one hundred percent, though he wouldn't be caught dead saying what Lee just said.

"Whatever," Tenten sighed, but Neji saw that hazelnut brown eyes sparkled with appreciation, and Neji felt a stirring in his heart that told him it was the right thing to do, even if he had to walk around with a black eye and a cut lip for days.

And then cotton ball kissed wound, and all he was left to do was wince at the sting.

f.

He dated once in a while, because Lee was in a long-term relationship with his lovely Sakura-san, and Tenten had a new guy every month on the average, and really, he did feel lonely too.

So when his and Lee's taekwondo teammate Kin asked him out to dinner, Neji didn't see anything wrong with it, until Lee overheard and insisted that they go out on a triple date—him and Kin, Lee and Sakura, and Tenten and whoever was her beau at the moment.

Kin thought it was a great idea, but Neji wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow _Lee _whole.

g.

"She's sweet," Kin commented as they parted ways after dinner, Lee to take Sakura home, Tenten to wherever her newest boyfriend, Shino, his name was, would take her.

_Probably his place, _Neji thought darkly, before he felt Kin link her arm with his.

"Aa," Neji muttered, eyes still following Tenten and Shino's retreating forms, the man's arm around Tenten's waist.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

Neji blinked, surprised, before turning to the grinning woman beside him.

Kin chuckled. "Oh don't try to deny it, Neji," she teased. "You barely spared anyone else a glance the whole evening. Your eyes were practically glued to her, or to Shino, whom you were trying to impale with your glare."

"I did not," Neji answered, feeling he should be indignant.

Kin merely shrugged, the grin still on her lips. "Why don't you just tell her?" she advised, as she dragged him across the street to where his car was parked. "She might just feel the same."

"She's my best friend," Neji replied, though in his heart he knew, he just knew, that he had not considered her just that for a very long time.

"Mmm," Kin nodded as they stopped in front of his car. She unlinked herself from him then, and turned to give him another grin. "And while you tell yourself that, one guy will swoop in and steal her away from you forever."

h.

"Oi, Neji," Tenten called from the kitchen, waving what appeared to be a box of flour up in the air. "Don't you have any sugar left here? How am I supposed to bake cookies if you don't have sugar?"

"It's in the cupboard, Tenten. Use your eyes," Neji answered, not lifting his head from the book he was reading. Really, no one told her to bake in his and Lee's apartment anyway. And shouldn't she have brought her own ingredients?

"You suck," he heard her pout, and Neji smirked before closing his book and heading to where she was. "Here," he said, reaching for the sugar in the cupboard and placing it on top of the counter. "Happy?"

"Hah!" Tenten pointed, and Neji couldn't help but notice how cute she looked in a pink apron. "You cannot resist my charms, I knew it!"

And then Neji's eyes softened, and before he knew what he was doing, he was already reaching out to her, gently tucking a stray of brown locks that fell in front of her face.

"You have no idea."

Tenten sucked in a sharp, surprised gasp, and Neji instinctively pulled his hand and dropped it to his side.

"Right," the woman said, flustered, before turning around and fiddling with the tray of eggs she stole from their pantry. "Uh, you want to help me bake?" she said, even when she refused to look at him still.

And suddenly, Kin's words rang in Neji's ears, and the next second, he had both arms wrapped around Tenten's waist, his face buried in her left shoulder.

"Neji!" Tenten squeaked.

"Kami, you're so beautiful," was the only thing he managed to say, before the front door suddenly swung open, announcing that Lee had returned from his usual morning jog.

Neji immediately pulled away, just in time for Lee to bounce to the kitchen, joyously proclaiming how wonderful it was for their youthful, beautiful best friend to visit them on a fine, lovely Saturday morning.

i.

One year later, Neji found himself standing in the middle of their small apartment living room, staring at his best friend, the woman who suddenly disappeared, with only a note to tell him and Lee that she got a promotion and she was leaving town, and she'll visit them the first thing she has the chance, okay?

"Shikamaru proposed to me."

Not even a goddamned hi or a hello or an apology for leaving like that, and Neji did not even have a fucking clue who this Shikamaru fellow was.

"… congratulations then."

Seriously, where was Lee when he needed him? Neji was sure he could handle awkward situations better, and Lee always had a way of making Tenten uncomfortable anyway.

"What are you congratulating me for? I haven't said yes yet, idiot."

Neji blinked, and his heart hammered rapidly in his chest, because he didn't know if he should be angry or insulted or just plain grateful.

"… why not?"

Tenten shrugged, fingering the hem of her green blouse, her eyes trained on her toes.

"Don't be mistaken. I love Shika. I actually _love _a guy, can you believe it? But when he popped the big question, all I could see was _your _face, and it annoyed me _so _much." She looked up, and Neji was not sure if it was irritation or fondness that was reflected in her eyes. "Now what do you think is wrong with the picture, huh, Neji?"

He decided the truth was something she deserved, no matter how overdue it was.

"Tenten, listen . . ."

Still, she beat him to it.

"This is what we're going to do, okay? I am going to kiss you, and then I'm going to leave, and we won't see each other again. I will marry Shikamaru, and you will find a pretty girl, someone as pretty as you. And we will send postcards and greeting cards during Christmas, but we will not see each other again . . ." and then suddenly, her voice broke, "because I can't, I won't let myself stay in love with you, and really, you should stop being in love with me too."

Neji blinked. How could she have known? He had never told anyone, not even Lee. And then something registered in his muddled mind, something about Tenten being in love, _Tenten's in love with me?_

Gathering what was left of his wits, he whispered, taking a small step forward, thankful that Tenten did not seem to mind. "Or I have an alternate suggestion."

Hazelnut eyes stared defiantly back at him. "And what might that be?"

Neji smiled, not smirked, and let his left palm hover near Tenten's cheek, not really touching her, at least not yet.

"I kiss you, and then you're not going to leave. You will not marry Shikamaru—whoever he is—and I will not find a pretty girl, and the only cards we will receive from each other are for Valentines and anniversaries, because I cannot stop being in love with you, and really, you should not try to stop being in love with me."

They stared at each other for a long time, silent except for the beating of their tired little hearts.

And then Tenten grinned, and leaned in his touch. "I think I like your idea better."

**Ending Song: "Electric Twist" by A Fine Frenzy**

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**For Ichigo-chan. Sorry, I don't have a DA account, so I could not reply/message you! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. I'm not really good with AUs, but I tried, I swear! **

**And for the rest of you lovelies, feel free to leave your own request via review or PM, and I'll see what I can do. This will now be my official one-shot collection of everything Naruto, and so we need not concentrate on NejiTen sparkles all the time! (I can't write yaoi or yuri though, I'm afraid. And I suck at writing smut, so anything beyond a T rating will be unfortunately horrid.)**

**Update for Scars and Stitches will come by Tuesday latest, because I am off to a three-day retreat in, well, an hour. Yikes.**

**Reviews, lovelies?**


	2. NejiTen: Man Enough

**Title: Man Enough (a love story in three and a half parts)**

**Characters: Neji, Tenten, mention of others**

**Requested by: Senka Hitomi**

**Prompt: **** NejiTen: ****no specific theme**

**Universe: Alternate**

**Category: Romance/Friendship**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: ****She chuckles at her own joke. So he belongs to one of the richest and most influential families in the state, and she was raised in an orphanage. Who cares?**

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**Opening Song: "Are You Man Enough" by Schematic**

1.

"Marry me now and I will never let you go."

Tenten (almost) chokes on her raspberry shake, and whips her head to stare incredulously at her companion. They are squished side by side inside a small cab, with Lee sitting up front and Hinata to her left.

"Pardon?" she asks, blinking once, twice, as pale gray eyes stare back at her.

"You know how I don't like repeating myself, Tenten," is his baritone response, and she feels the urge to sock him in the mouth for being so incredibly haughty when his face betrays no emotion.

It takes her exactly four seconds (not that she is counting, of course she is not) to recover, and she retorts, snorting as she does, "Well, considering the fact that what you said is so weird and impossible that I obviously heard you _wrong_, I think we can make an exception to the rule."

"Neji said he wants to marry you, my youthful flower!" Lee suddenly booms in the passenger seat, and Tenten shoots him a glare before turning to Hinata, only to find the timid girl nodding shyly at her.

Snapping her head back to her best friend number 2 (because Lee holds the title for number one, no matter how chagrined Neji is about it, not that he would say it out loud, no), she blurts out, "But you haven't even asked me out on a date yet!"

Neji raises an eyebrow, mildly amused, and answers, "I've been taking you out on dates since we're thirteen."

Tenten blinks once again, before grimacing at sudden realization. "Please don't tell me you consider all those study sessions as dates. And the only reason I ever went to the prom with you was because nobody else asked me!"

If Tenten thinks Neji will be insulted with her assumption that he was her pity date (or vice versa), she is gravely mistaken.

"And why do you think that happened?" comes Neji's patient reply.

Another light bulb moment, compounded by Lee's hearty laugh and Hinata's soft chuckle.

"You scared all the other boys away!" she growls, pointing an accusing finger at him. She receives a smirk in response. "No wonder Shikamaru wouldn't talk to me anymore! What the hell did you do?!"

"I just merely weeded out unnecessary competition," is his smug answer, which leads Lee to laugh some more, and Hinata to cover her face in embarrassment over her cousin's behavior.

"You're terrible!" Tenten shrieks, right hand balling into a fist aimed to punch.

"No," Neji replies, catching her fist in midflight, and then closes his palms around it. "I am merely a man in love."

Tenten blinks some more, not sure why suddenly there are bunnies and kittens somersaulting in her stomach. One _real _smile from Neji and fluffy puppies join the pile.

"So," Neji repeats, gently this time, adding an inflection of a question at the end, as if suddenly unsure. "Marry me now and I will never let you go?"

2.

"Well that couldn't have gotten any worse," she sighs, rubbing the back of her left shoulder absentmindedly. "At least they didn't flat out tell me I'm ugly, or something."

They exit the restaurant hand in hand, the memory of the _very_ awkward dinner with Neji's family still fresh in Tenten's mind. Suddenly she feels Neji wrap an arm around her waist, effectively pulling her close to him. She chuckles at his inability to voice out words of comfort, but appreciates his unspoken reassurance anyway.

"Oh don't worry about it," she murmurs, tilting her head so that it brushes his cheek. "Hinata did warn me that your family is quite, err, traditional, and might not like the idea of you marrying a _commoner_."

She chuckles at her own joke. So he belongs to one of the richest and most influential families in the state, and she was raised in an orphanage. Who cares? Lee was raised in an orphanage too, and the Haruno family accepted him with open arms when he finally proposed to their only child.

And then, after musing for a bit, "Are you sure you want to go through with this? I mean, it's not too late to back out, you know. We haven't exactly set a date yet and it's not like we've made it public so . . ."

Neji's arm around her tightens, and Tenten looks up to find him looking down at her not with amusement, not even irritation. No, Neji Hyuuga, who had a reputation of scaring _both _students and teachers during their high school and college years, is looking at her in a way that tells her, albeit silently, that she is the most beautiful woman in the whole world for him, and that he loves her, his traditional family and everyone else be damned.

(And that she is an idiot for even suggesting something like cancelling their wedding.)

Tenten grins. "That's a yes, I assume?"

3.

"Last chance to back out," she whispers to Neji, as Lee, the closest she has to a family, gives her hand to the waiting groom, but not before giving Neji a thumbs-up (and a silent promise to beat his ass if he makes Tenten cry).

Neji raises an eyebrow, then whispers back, "You already said 'yes' to me in that taxi cab. We had witnesses. _You_ can't back out of this now."

Tenten smothers down a guffaw, because it would not do to appear so unlady-like in front of three hundred guests, two-thirds of them people she did not even know. When she accepted Neji's proposal, she didn't exactly think the Hyuuga clan—all of them—would appear in their ceremony.

"Well, if you're sure then," she settles for a chuckle, before linking her arm with him.

"Never been surer my entire life." And there is so much affection in Neji's voice that Tenten instinctively turns to look at him, only to find smiling gray eyes meeting her hazelnut brown ones in a promise of devotion and love.

She flashes him a wide smile, bright and trusting and _oh so in love._

Neji returns the smile, less wide, but with the same amount of affection. And then, holding her hand, he nods, tilts his head to the minister in front of them, and asks, "Ready?"

3 ½.

_(Yes.)_

**Ending Song: "Suspension (Demo)" by MAE**

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**For Senka Hitomi. You said no particular theme, so there you go. It's sugary and oh so fluffy I think I'm going to die! Err, anyway, hope you like it XD**

**And for the rest of you lovelies, thank you so much for reading (and reviewing!) the first chapter (and this one too). Keep the requests coming (I already noted down the ones you left in your reviews), and I'll see what I can do. I can't promise to update superfast (this month's been crazy hectic and I'm afraid the next few months, err, until October, actually, will only get worse), but I WILL do all your requests as soon as humanly possible, dattebayo!**

**Reviews, lovelies?**


	3. DeiTen: Androgyny

**Title: Androgyny**

**Characters: Deidara, Tenten, mention of others**

**Requested by: jasmineflowr19876**

**Prompt: DeiTen: no specific theme **

**Universe: Alternate**

**Category: Humor**

**Rating: K**

**Summary: ****He did not like where their conversation was going. And all he wanted was a bottle of sulfur and some explosive tags for his experiment. Why did the world hate him so?**

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**Opening Song: "Androgyny" by Garbage**

It was all Sasori-senpai's fault.

At least, that was the excuse Deidara used to console himself, after he had tried and failed to save face in front of the androgynous man-girl in front of him.

Had Sasori-senpai not accepted that stupid Kankuro brat's challenge for a rematch, Deidara wouldn't have had to work alone on their science club project, and he wouldn't have had to be humiliated like _that _in front of someone he didn't even know_._

* * *

"Move over, boy, _un_."

The line that started the whole incident, four little words that meant nothing, really, had he said them to any other guy, except, Deidara realized, ten humiliating seconds later, that he was, in fact, _not_ talking to a boy at all.

The self-proclaimed clay artist told himself later, hours after the initial shock (and humiliation) had worn off, that it wasn't his fault, that anyone would have made the same mistake he did, had they been in his situation. After all, the person staring at him that very moment looked the part, with short cropped chocolate brown hair and lanky, instead of petite, frame. He, or rather, she, was wearing their school's PE uniform, but she was not in bloomers, which was what any normal _girl_ would wear, but in a pair of loose jogging pants, giving an impression of a malnourished first-year kid. It did not help that she was not exactly, _un_, endowed with the right assets, at least not from what Deidara could see. The excuse of chest bindings came to mind, but then, to repeat his earlier statement, what kind of _normal_ girl would wear chest bindings instead of a bra?

The _boy_ turned his (her) head slowly, and Deidara noticed that he (she) was holding what looked like a bottle of benzene in his (her) right hand. Hazelnut brown eyes blinked at him, and then he (she) was turning around, and even then Deidara never got the impression that he was talking to a _she _rather than a he.

"I'm a girl."

Even her voice sounded like a young boy, for Buddah's sake.

Any other day, Deidara would have let it go, apologized even, but he was currently annoyed enough as it was, having to fend off for himself while his senpai, the more responsible one, supposedly, was frolicking with that puppet kid. And so he reacted like any normal dumbass would, given the situation.

"I thought you were a guy, _un_. You sure dress like one."

The man-girl shrugged, as if it wasn't the first time she received that line. What Deidara didn't expect was her counterstatement.

"And you look like a girl."

The artist was indignant. Was she implying he was _gay_?

"Oh don't give me that look," the girl said flatly, balancing the bottle of chemical on her palm. "You can't wear your hair that way and expect not to be mistaken for a girl."

"_Excuse me_?"

Nobody had dared make fun of his hairstyle before, except for Sasori-senpai, who would point out once in a while that he grew it too long, and what the hell were the bangs for?

_It's art_, Deidara would protest every single time. _Not like you'd know anything about art, since all you do in your spare time is play with _dolls_._

_They're puppets_, Sasori would defend his creations then.

_Puppets, dolls_, Deidara would chuckle. _That's so _girly_._

_At least I don't wear my hair in a high ponytail._

It was usually around that time that they would start fighting using their fists, proving to each other that neither of them was batting for the other team.

"You wear it the same way my roommate wears hers."

The man-girl in front of him pulled Deidara out of his reminiscing with her boyish voice. "Your roommate, _un_?" He did not like where their conversation was going. And all he wanted was a bottle of sulfur and some explosive tags for his experiment. Why did the world hate him so?

"Ino. Yamanaka Ino. Captain of the cheerleading squad?"

_Like hell_, Deidara was about to retort when a picture of the blonde cheerleader popped into his head, her skirt swishing this way and that whenever she passed by the hallways. It was then that he realized he was, in fact, wearing his hair the same way as Yamanaka did.

_Crap, un_.

"You should come over our room sometime. You and Ino can swap shampoo stories."

A tick appeared on Deidara's left temple. "Now listen here, missy," he began, but the man-girl immediately raised an eyebrow in response and cut him off.

"Missy?" she repeated, amused. "I'm not the one who wears my hair in a high ponytail."

The fact that she echoed Sasori-senpai's line angered Deidara more. "Of course not, _un._ Your hair is cropped like one of those army guys," he spat, unsure why he was picking a fight with a kohai, and a girl at that.

The man-girl nodded. "True," she murmured, then shrugged. "It's easier to handle the bow this way. No hair getting in my face when I aim."

It was then that Deidara finally recognized the man-girl. _Of course, _he muttered to himself. She was the archery team's captain, the second best longbow archer in their district. Not the best person to pick a fight with, not only because she has a hundred percent accuracy with the longbow, but also because her best friends-slash-bodyguards, the kick boxer Rock Lee and mixed martial artist Hyuuga Neji, were infamous for their zealousness in protecting her reputation.

_Double crap, un._

"Anyway," the man-girl chirped, walking past him. "I'll tell Ino you're interested to meet up with her. She'll be thrilled. See you."

As Deidara stood there and watched dumbly as the man-girl left the room, he silently vowed to himself that he would make Sasori-senpai pay for this humiliation.

As soon as he found out what brand of shampoo Yamanaka Ino was using.

**Closing Song: "Good Days, Bad Days" by Kaiser Chiefs**

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**For jasmineflwr19876: I never thought I'd write a story with Deidara in it, but here you go. Crack-ish, but I hope it gave you a good laugh, or a smirk, at least.**

**For the rest of you lovelies, Deidara does wear his hair like Ino, right? Come to think of it, a lot of the Akatsuki look like other Naruto characters. Sasori looks like Gaara, Itachi looks like Sasuke (duh), Yahiko looks like Naruto, and Kakuzu reminds me of Shino, for some weird reason.**

**Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't replied to your reviews personally, but I really appreciated them all. Thank you for all the support and the requests. I promise to do my very best to get them done as soon as I can.**

**NaruHina for OasisSerenity up next, dattebayo!**

**Reviews, lovelies?**


	4. NaruHina: Ramen Ichiraku I

**Title: Ramen Ichiraku I**

**Characters: Hinata, Naruto, Ayame**

**Requested by: OasisSerenity**

**Prompt: **** NaruHina: their relationship, with focus on Ichiraku **

**Universe: Canon**

**Category: Friendship/Romance**

**Rating: K**

**Summary: ****A shock of yellow, bright as the midday sun, and Hinata was immediately drawn to him, like a shy lavender butterfly flitting near a bright orange flame.**

* * *

**Opening Song: "Let Go" by Ingrid Michaelson**

Hinata never did tell anyone, but she first laid eyes on her dear Naruto-kun not at the Academy, nor at the village playground, nor one of its many training grounds, but at Ramen Ichiraku.

It was a week before the official start of classes, and already she was burdened with the responsibility of being strong, enough to be the future head of their prestigious clan. In her young and naïve mind Hinata still did not understand the concept of leadership, let alone strength, and after a grueling session with her father—where she was reminded time and time again of her inadequacies—the future heiress slipped out of the compound and wandered aimlessly, hoping to ease the hurt of humiliation she had been through in the hands of the Hyuuga patriarch.

That was when she saw him.

A shock of yellow, bright as the midday sun, and Hinata was immediately drawn to him, like a shy lavender butterfly flitting near a bright orange flame.

She did not know his name then, only that he appeared jolly and mischievous—a troublemaker, as her relatives would say—but lonely and alone. Hinata briefly wondered what the story was behind the young boy's too-wide grin and sad, blue eyes. But because she was young and naïve and too shy for her own good, she quickly ran away the second she noticed him turn in her direction, not wanting to embarrass herself, as she usually did in front of anyone who came near her.

_I'll move out of the way for you_

_(it's getting nowhere)_

The next time Hinata saw Naruto was at the Academy, a few weeks after the start of classes. He was by then already labeled as a prankster by his peers and teachers, a loser who will amount to nothing in the long run, never mind his enthusiasm and desire to be a great ninja, and the hokage, perhaps.

Hinata found herself wishing she had enough courage to talk to him, and tell him that she, too, was considered a failure, not only by students and teachers in the academy, but by her family as well.

_I'll move out of the way for her, too_

_(I've got to tell him now)_

A few days after the new graduates were assigned in their official genin teams—she with Kiba and Shino—Hinata found out about Naruto's infatuation with the pretty Haruno Sakura.

She was eating quietly in Ichiraku, sipping the broth from a bowl of tonkotsu ramen, when Naruto suddenly slipped on a chair beside her, demanding for Teuchi to give him the house special, plus a side order of gyoza.

Hinata blushed beet red on her seat when she realized what had just happened, and almost choked on her noodles in the process.

The self-proclaimed future hokage noticed her then, and with a big, cheery grin, greeted, "Hey, Hinata! How are you?"

"F-fine," Hinata mumbled, suddenly more self-conscious about herself than she usually was. It was the first time Naruto had spoken to her, and she prayed that she wouldn't say something incredibly stupid because of her nervousness.

"Neh?" Naruto prodded. "What did you say? You speak too softly, Hinata! I can't hear you, dattebayo!" He tilted his head to the left and examined the Hyuuga's face closely. "And you're very red! Are you sick?"

"N-no!" Hinata thought she could blush no redder, but she was proven wrong when her already beet red face turned a shade redder still.

Naruto grinned wider then, oblivious as ever. "That's good! How is your team, by the way? Must suck to be stuck with that weird bug boy, right?" he joked, though Hinata found no malice in his tone.

She was about to respond—she couldn't quite believe that she was chatting with Naruto, _Naruto-kun!—_when a shock of pink came into her peripheral vision, just behind her companion.

"Naruto!" came the loud yell of Sakura. "Kakashi-sensei said to meet him in the training ground at two! Why are you still here?"

"Sakura-chan," Naruto whined, but Hinata noticed that the young boy was grinning like a lovesick fool. "Let's ditch Kakashi-sensei and go out on a date instead."

"Baka!" the pink-haired genin screeched. "Like I'll go out on a date with you! I'd much rather ask out Sasuke-kun!"

Cue in gushing and fangirl squeals, and Hinata realized that she has been left out of the conversation. Quietly paying her tab, she slipped out of her chair, not even bothering to say goodbye to Naruto, because she knew he was too preoccupied trying to woo his teammate's heart.

_(I can't wait till the end of time)_

One week before the finals of the Chunnin Exams—the one where her cousin Neji exposed to the entire village the dirty secret of the Hyuuga clan—Hinata found herself seated by herself in Ichiraku once again, wondering (hoping) if Naruto would show up, so she could wish him good luck in his match.

Except that she knew he was training with the legendary senin Jiraiya, so it was highly improbable that he would suddenly pass by the shop.

Finally giving up, she quietly called Ayame's attention to pay for her food. "A-ano," she stuttered, when the owner's daughter returned her change, "c-can I pay for N-naruto-kun's next m-meal with this? B-but please don't tell h-him that it's from m-me."

Ayame smiled in understanding, and Hinata was very grateful that she did not ask any more questions. "Sure, Hinata-chan," the older girl chirped. "I'll just tell him it's on the house."

"T-thank you," Hinata smiled, bowing her head before leaving the establishment, trying her very best not to mind the rapid beating of her heart.

_When was the last time you laughed?_

_(his smile is my ice cream)_

The day Team Shikamaru returned after their failed attempt to retrieve Sasuke from the clutches of the Sound nins, Hinata quietly slipped into Naruto's room after everyone else had left.

The young boy was sleeping, obviously exhausted (and heartbroken) over his recent fight with his best friend, and Hinata felt such inexplicable sadness in her heart at the idea of Sasuke leaving and Naruto failing to bring him back, that she ended up shedding tears at his bedside.

Her silent sobs drew Naruto from his slumber, and Hinata stifled a panicked gasp when she realized the young shinobi was eyeing her curiously.

"Neh, Hinata," Naruto asked, and the Hyuuga immediately noticed that there was a lack of enthusiasm in his voice, "why are you crying?"

"N-naruto-kun!" she stuttered. "A-are you o-okay?"

Her companion grinned widely, but it wasn't the same smile she was used to. "Of course, dattebayo!"

And there was so much sadness in Naruto's voice that Hinata failed to stop herself from crying once more.

_Did you mean it when you did?_

_(it sends shivers down my spine)_

"I heard Naruto-kun is scheduled to leave today," Ayame said conversationally as Hinata finished her bowl of shoyu ramen. "Have you seen him already, Hinata-chan?"

Hinata blushed beet red and almost choked on her food. Hadn't Neji asked her something similar a few hours earlier?

"N-no, I haven't," she murmured, bowing her head low.

"Why not?"

Hinata inhaled and clenched her fists on her lap, her resolve strengthening all the more. "T-the next time I s-see him, I w-want to be s-someone s-stronger."

"Well, that's nice," Ayame replied. A pause, and then, "Although seeing as he's headed this way, I think you have to start being very strong right now."

Hinata's head snapped up and then turned to her left, where, just like Ayame had said, Naruto was trudging up the street. "A-ayame-san! H-help m-me!" she begged, and the young woman chuckled before pointing to a spot under the bar, where Hinata rushed to, just in time too, as Naruto had apparently not seen her as she tried to quickly hide from view.

"Hi-ya, Ayame-san!" Naruto's voice boomed chirpily, and Hinata covered her red face with her hands as she tried to squish herself inside the tight space under the bar.

"Hello, Naruto," Ayame greeted pleasantly. "Are you going to order your usual?"

"Can't," the genin answered. "I'm meeting Ero-sensei at the gates in five minutes. I just dropped by to say goodbye to you and Teuchi-san before I leave."

"Father's out, but I'll tell him you dropped by," Ayame replied, smiling. "Be careful during your trip, okay?"

"Of course!" And then, as if remembering something important, "Neh, Ayame-san, have you seen Hinata anywhere? I've been trying to look for her for hours but it's like she disappeared all of a sudden, dattebayo!"

Hinata pressed her palms against her mouth to stop a gasp from escaping.

"Hinata-chan?" Ayame almost cooed. "Why are you looking for her?"

"Oh, I just want to say goodbye before I leave. We're friends now, you see."

"Oh, are you now? That's good." From where Hinata was hiding, she was sure Ayame was trying her very best not to grin.

"Anyway, can I pay for her next meal instead?" A jingling of coins, and Hinata froze in mid-gasp. "Tell her it's my 'see you soon' gift."

Ayame smiled, her eyes twinkling in mirth. "I'll be sure to tell her that. Take care of yourself, Naruto-kun."

Then he was gone, and still, Hinata could not find the strength to leave her little hiding place, not until Ayame had to coax her out.

"Guess your next meal's on the house, Hinata-chan," the young woman said kindly, and it was all Hinata could do not to suddenly burst into tears.

_It's astounding how you live so close to your cure_

**Closing Song: "Tongue-tied" by Moonstar 88**

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**Part I of a possible two-parter. Because I realized I've written four pages and I'm only about halfway done. I stopped just right before the start of Shipuuden, to give justice to any timeskip I will (eventually) have to make.**

**For OasisSerenity: I hope this suits your taste. I haven't tried a story where NaruHina is the main pairing before, but if I do (wait, I already did), I'd imagine I'd write something like this. Took longer to write, sorry. I was trying to organize the outline of events in my head first before I wrote down anything. Hope this is worth the wait.**

**For everyone else, uhm, yes, please review. I haven't decided which request to write next, but yes, I'll finish them all, believe it! (And yes, Ichigo-chan, I sort of guessed you were talking about NejiTen in your last request, haha.)**


	5. ShinoTenJi: His Mermaid and I (Part I)

**Title: His Mermaid and I (Part I)**

**Characters: Shino, Tenten, Neji, Hinata**

**Requested by: CAT**

**Prompt: ****ShinoTenJi: Shino as a nosey animal lover, Tenten as a feisty mermaid, and Neji as Tenten's secret caretaker **

**Universe: Alternate**

**Category: Friendship/Humor**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: ****In the middle of the garden was a huge pond, and in the middle of the pond, Shino saw—and he had to take his sunglasses off, wipe them against his shirt, and put them back on, just in case he was seeing things—a pair of dark pink, glittery **_**fins**_**.**

* * *

**Opening Song: "Part of Your World" from **_**The Little Mermaid **_**OST**

i.

He was snooping around his old friend's "backyard"—that was the only reason Shino had as to how he found out about the Hyuuga cousins' little secret.

Hinata had invited him over for a light afternoon snack, after they had accidentally bumped into each other in the supermarket, three years after they graduated from college—he and she and their dog lover friend Kiba, who had migrated to the States the week after they got their diplomas—and Shino knew she was merely being polite, because even during their college years she had been closer to Kiba and only tolerated him because he was the dog-boy's best friend.

But the Hyuugas boasted a huge greenhouse-slash-butterfly farm, and Shino had really wanted to check out their new specimens of larvae and other creepy crawlies. That was why when Hinata asked him if he wanted to drop by that afternoon for a cup of tea, to catch up—maybe he has news about Kiba? She was rather enamored with the guy back when they were younger—he didn't hesitate and replied in the affirmative.

Three hours later he was shown inside the house, and the butler Maito Gai—how posh could the Hyuugas be, to have their own butler—asked him to wait in the parlor while he informed Hinata of Shino's arrival.

But Shino didn't want to hang around the empty parlor a second longer. The butterflies were waiting for him, and he didn't think Hinata would mind if he went right ahead and took a peek. Besides, he already knew the location of the farm, having been there on a few occasions when the female Hyuuga invited him and Kiba over for group study sessions.

As it turned out, Shino did _not_ know where the farm was, or if he did, he was most certainly not aware that it had been relocated, because after ten turns on what appeared to be the same hallway, he had to admit to himself, albeit grudgingly, that he was indeed _lost_.

To save face—not that anyone would know anyway—he continued walking in circles, hoping to see a passage leading to the greenhouse, or even back to the parlor where he was instructed to wait in the first place.

Accidentally finding a new corridor to get lost in, he quickly turned left, then right, and that was when he heard _it_—a soft splash, followed by a soft giggle that was distinctively female (and most definitely not Hinata).

Curiosity got the better of him—he was lost anyway, and maybe this person could point him to the right direction—and Shino peeked into what appeared to be a small garden, not entirely different from the butterfly farm he was looking for, except that the place was not teeming with, well, butterflies.

Instead, the floor was covered with sand and corals and plants often found only on small islands—ferns and small shrubs and low grass. In the middle of the garden was a huge pond, and in the middle of the pond, Shino saw—and he had to take his sunglasses off, wipe them against his shirt, and put them back on, just in case he was seeing things—a pair of dark pink, glittery _fins_.

Now fins were nothing out of the ordinary—Shino liked steamed tuna, for one—unless they were connected to a slim waist instead of a scaly body, and said waist was further connected to a pair of lithe arms, smooth neck, and the prettiest face he had ever set his eyes on.

Shino stood, mouth agape, as the _thing_ continued to swim happily in the pond, flipping its fin this way and that, unmindful of his presence until a few minutes later, in which it suddenly stopped mid-backflip to stare unabashedly at him.

"Oh," the creature said, shocked for a split second, before smiling at him. "_Kumusta?"_

Shino blinked. What?

"Oh, sorry," the smiling creature chuckled. "I keep forgetting people here don't understand my language. Hello there. Who are you?"

"What are you?" Shino blurted out instead. And then, to cover up his uneasiness, he continued, "Why did I ask? Because you are most definitely not human."

The creature giggled before tossing its hair back, chocolate brown locks that covered its body from the shoulders down to the waist. Shino was just relieved that it was wearing what appeared to be a pair of, were those giant clams?, to cover its, err, assets. "Of course not. I'm a mermaid!"

And just like that, Shino's life was never the same again.

ii.

When Hinata found him half an hour later, Shino had both legs submerged in water, and the mermaid—he learned that her name was Tenten—was leaning on the edge beside him, eager to listen to his stories about the different kinds of bugs he had collected during his last trip to Mt. Fuji.

The Hyuuga lady looked panicked, darting her eyes from Tenten to Shino worriedly, as if she was unsure whether to shoo Shino away or explain the presence of the strange girl in their house.

"Hinata!" Tenten squealed, leaving Shino's side and swimming where the Hyuuga was standing nearest. "I met a new friend! This is Shino!"

"Shino-kun," Hinata murmured nervously. "You shouldn't be here. Nii-san will be back any minute."

The mermaid merely pouted. "Why not? Kuya Neji never lets me out anyway."

"But Tenten-san . . ."

"No!" Tenten huffed, crossing her arms against her ample chest. "Kuya Neji can sulk and glare for all I care. I want Shino to stay. He's been telling me about all these interesting things called centipedes!"

Shino had no time to wonder why Hinata looked so worried, because the next minute, a cold baritone broke through the women's exchange.

"What is going on here?"

Three pairs of eyes focused on the newcomer, a handsome twenty-something man in a business suit, glaring daggers at the only other man in the room. "Why are you here, Aburame?"

"Hyuuga," Shino greeted in response, noting that the once-stoic protégé in their university was definitely stoic still. "Your cousin invited me for tea."

"B-but I didn't tell him a-about Tenten-san!" Hinata trembled, lifting her palms in front of her as if to defend herself. "I swear, Nii-san!"

"Kuya Neji!" Tenten beamed, oblivious to the tension between the two men. "You're back! Did you get me something nice, like you promised? Did you, did you?"

Shino noticed how the usually cold and stern Hyuuga's eyes softened a little when the mermaid addressed him, but promptly hardened once again when he shifted his eyes back on him. "Hinata, please take your guest to the receiving area. I will join you shortly."

"But Shino and I were still talking!" It was the mermaid, pouting once again.

"Don't you want to see what I brought you?" Shino had the distinct feeling Neji was merely trying to distract Tenten, and wondered if it would actually work.

The mermaid looked conflicted for a second, but only for a second. "Fine," she muttered, before swimming to where Shino was still sitting, grabbing his hand—the Aburame immediately felt a killing intent emanating from the doorway, obviously directed at him—and making him swear to visit her again sometime soon. He had a story to finish, after all!

As Shino followed a visibly trembling Hinata out of the room, he glanced back, only to find Neji, with his coat now off, kneeling in front of the mermaid and handing her a trinket of some kind. Tenten squealed and promptly wrapped her arms around the young man.

Shino turned his head away just in time to hear a distinct splash, and he hid a smirk behind a cough as he imagined a very dignified Neji falling down the pond, after the mermaid had unintentionally pulled him in.

iii.

"You can't tell anyone about this." It sounded more like a threat than a suggestion, but Shino wasn't exactly intimidated with the older Hyuuga's presence anyway.

"Where did she come from?" he asked instead. "Why did I ask? Because she obviously does not belong in that pond."

The patented Hyuuga glare did not work, but Neji apparently did not care. "That's none of your business, Aburame."

A series of questions and answers were fired back and forth then, in between sips of tea and Hinata's soft nibbling of crackers.

"And how long do you plan on keeping her?"

"We're not keeping her against her will."

"But what if she doesn't want to stay here anymore?"

"We will let her go once she's strong enough."

"And when might that be?"

"That's none of your business, Aburame."

"Oh look, we're out of crackers! Let me get some more!" Hinata clapped, picking up the empty plate too enthusiastically, before all but scampering away from the room, leaving the two men to glare at each other quietly.

iv.

"I missed the ocean!" Tenten squealed as gentle waves splashed over her fins, one afternoon when Shino snuck in while Neji and Hinata were out, to take the mermaid to the beach directly overlooking the Hyuuga mansion.

How he passed the observant eyes of Maito Gai he couldn't explain, but he did not bother dwelling on his good luck, if it meant that he could see how ecstatic Tenten looked that very moment.

"Do you not want to go back? Because your family must be looking for you," the insect enthusiast asked somberly, silently promising himself that he would help Tenten escape Neji's hold the second she confirms that she was indeed being held against her will.

But the mermaid merely shook her head sadly and looked longingly at the ocean. "I don't have a family anymore."

Shino stopped from picking a straggling crablet and fixed concerned eyes on her. "How come?" he asked, carefully, lest he was treading on sensitive ground.

"Bad people took them away," Tenten murmured, before her face brightened up a notch, though it did not entirely lose its dimness. "But Kuya Neji made it all better, yes he did."

v.

"Aburame!"

To say that Neji's voice was filled with anger was an understatement. He charged at them, a nervous Hinata in tow, and promptly shoved Shino away, before kneeling down a very shocked Tenten.

The insect lover fell down the sandy shore, too surprised to make a countermove.

"Tenten!" the furious but worried Hyuuga exclaimed, for once losing his cool that made him infamous during his stay in the university. "Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? What did this fiend do to you?"

Tenten, after the initial surprise, burst out laughing. "I'm fine, Kuya Neji! Shino just took me to see the ocean. I needed the fresh air anyway."

Neji apparently was not convinced, nor did he care for Tenten's attempt to save Shino's well-being. "Never leave the house again! Especially when I'm not there!"

"But Kuya Ne—"

"That's final!" And then he was picking her up, bridal style, and hurriedly walked back to the confines of their home.

A few seconds of silence, and then Hinata knelt down beside the now-soaked Aburame and smiled sadly. "You shouldn't have done that, Shino-kun."

vi.

"Nii-san is very protective of Tenten-san," Hinata began, handing Shino a fluffy blue towel, her eyes averted, as the Aburame finished washing off his legs in one of the mansion's many bathrooms. "He was the one who saved her from being killed, after all."

When the nosey animal lover turned questioning eyes at the younger Hyuuga, Hinata merely sighed and continued with the rest of her story. "Tenten-san's family got caught in the nets of one of the illegal fishing boats poaching near our place. Neji-nii came across them on his way back from driving his boat. Tenten-san's mother and brother were already dead when Nii-san spotted them, and it was only because of his quick thinking that Tenten-san is even alive."

The young Hyuuga smiled sadly and fixed pale gray eyes on Shino. "After that incident, Nii-san took Tenten-san home to take care of her injuries, and he promised to protect her no matter what. He . . . he has grown attached to her, I'm afraid. I don't know if he would, or could, let her go."

"But she deserves to be in the ocean," Shino replied stubbornly, understanding Neji's fear, but adamant still. "Because that is where she belongs."

"I know." Hinata's sad smile never left her pretty face. "I think Neji-nii knows that too. But he won't do it. Not until he's sure Tenten-san is safe for sure."

vii.

"I'm sorry, Kuya Neji."

Shino stood outside Tenten's living quarters and eavesdropped on the two friends. He didn't mean to, merely wanted to check on Tenten to make sure she was okay, but when he heard the two talking in hushed voices, Shino found out he could not walk away, or make his presence known.

"I don't want you to get hurt."

Neji's tone was very gentle, and Shino was a little surprised that the Hyuuga was actually capable of feelings akin to tenderness.

"I know. I just miss the ocean, that's all."

Tenten was apologetic, and Shino heard Neji sigh before there was a soft splash, and the Aburame risked a peek in the room, only to find the other man was in the pond, running a hand across the mermaid's hair. Shino felt he was violating an intimate moment, something sacred, but he could not seem to take his eyes off of them.

"Do you want to leave already?" Neji murmured, pulling his hand away and letting his arm fall on his side. "Do you think you're ready?"

"I . . . don't know." The hesitation in Tenten's voice was palpable, and Shino was not sure if she didn't want to leave because she was scared of the dangers lurking in the ocean, or if she was afraid of leaving Neji behind.

Another sigh, and Shino averted his eyes when he saw Neji moved to cup the mermaid's chin with his hand.

"Then I can't let you go yet."

**Closing Song: "The Minnow & the Trout" by A Fine Frenzy**

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**Part I of another two-parter story. **

**For CAT. Hope you like this first part. When I received your request, my first reaction (and this is a true story) was, "What the hell? Why do I have to write about **_**Shino**_**?!" But the whole idea intrigued (and okay, challenged) me that I had to give it a try. **

**For the rest, I must say, I think this is the most crack-ish request I've received so far, and I guess I was a little excited (scared) to write it down. The only real fear I had was (aside from being forced to sing "Part of Your World" to inspire myself) that I've never—**_**never—**_**written anything with Shino in it before, aside from the usual cameos with the rest of the Konoha 11. I dreaded his inclusion in the story, more than I dreaded writing something from Hinata or Temari's POV (in **_**Scars and Stitches, **_**shameless plugging FTW) because he's so mysterious I don't know if I could give his character justice.**

**Oh, "kumusta" is a loose translation of "how are you" in Tagalog, and "Kuya" is "older brother," similar to "Nii-san."**

**Anyway, I'm still deciding which request to answer next, so in the meantime, please review? I'd love to hear what you guys think about this chapter. And the previous ones too, if you like to leave a word as well.**

**Thank you!**


	6. Tenten, Ino, Sakura: Tomato, Tomato

**Title: Tomato, Tomato**

**Characters: Tenten, Ino, Sakura**

**Requested by: anthromorphychan**

**Prompt: ****No pairings: Neji as a pole dancer**

**Universe: Alternate**

**Category: Humor/Crack**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: "H****e's not a pole dancer. He's a pole dancing **_**instructor.**_**"**

* * *

**Opening Song: "Supermodel" by Taylor Dayne**

"Someone looks happy today."

Tenten chuckled, hands deftly chopping a stick of celery for the salad she was preparing. "Hello to you too, love."

Ino laughed and put down the grocery bags she was carrying on the counter. "Yes, yes, I love you too. Marry me?" she teased, offering the other girl a wink.

The older girl mock-rolled her eyes and pushed the chopped celery in a bowl, only to grab a piece of carrot on her left. "Where's Sakura?"

"Here," a chipper voice answered from the kitchen doorway, and both Tenten and Ino turned to watch as the pink-haired girl marched in, lugging a big carton of whole grain oats.

"Seriously?" Tenten asked, raising an eyebrow at the item Sakura was carrying.

"What? It's good for the health," the pinkhead said defensively. And then, almost as an afterthought, "You look happy today."

"Hah!" Ino all but yelled, pointing a dainty finger at Tenten. "I told you!"

"Oh bug off, you two," Tenten answered good-naturally, chopping tomatoes this time.

"I bet that pole dancer finally asked you out for a date," Ino teased, picking a chopped carrot from the bowl and biting into it. "What was his name again? Nemu? Neri?"

"Neji," Tenten answered, whacking Ino's hand that was straying near the bowl again. "And he's not a pole dancer. He's a pole dancing _instructor._"

Ino snorted. "Tomato, tomato."

"There's a difference," Tenten bit back, glaring at her blonde friend.

"So where is he taking you?" Sakura piped in, knowing that if left to her own devices, Ino would succeed in ticking Tenten off, and cleaning up the kitchen after one of their older friend's tantrums was a real _pain._

Tenten blinked at the question. "Oh," she answered after a quick pause. "We're going to the Shuriken tonight."

"Shuriken? The newly opened club?" Ino squealed, stealing another piece of carrot from the bowl while Tenten was distracted.

"Uh-huh," the other girl answered, finishing off the last of the cucumbers.

"I hear it's a fun place," Sakura said slowly, nodding as if in deep thought. "Lee invited me to check it out. Maybe we can go with you guys?"

Tenten grinned. "Sure! The more the merrier, after all! I kind of miss Lee anyway."

A high chuckle erupted to their right, and both girls turned to watch their third friend smiling mischievously at them.

"What?" Tenten snapped, knowing something devious was brewing in Ino's dirty head again.

"Shuriken has a dancing pole on one of its stages, right?" There was a twinkle in Ino's eye that made Sakura take a step back, her inner self and gut-feel from five years worth of friendship with the two girls advising her to not get involved in the conversation any longer. "Do you think your pole dancer friend cou—eeep!"

The knife in Tenten's hand breezed through the blonde girl's left cheek, before hitting dead center one of the hanging pots near the stove.

"Die, Pig."

**Closing Song: "Dance, Dance" by Fall Out Boy**

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**For anthromorphychan. I know you said you're not requesting for a story, but I was in the mood for crack and I thought, what the heck, why not? I hope this amused you, as you hoped the idea would.**

**For everyone else, uhh, pure crack, makes no sense whatever, and probably the result of a stomachache. Anyway. It actually took me longer to think of the opening and closing songs than to write this drabble. Go figure.**

**Thank you for the lovely reviews for the last chapter. Really, really appreciated them.**

**Fruity, that line about Gai? You won't mind if I use that in a future installment, right, right? It tickled my funny bone so much I just have to use it! And M.I., you don't want to switch brains with me, not if you value your sanity haha! I'm completely bonkers. And Ichigo-chan! True, Tagalog isn't really a famous language, but considering that Filipinos are **_**everywhere **_**nowadays, I assumed people would be familiar with "kumusta." And I'm so sorry! I thought I mentioned it to you before, but I'm Pinoy too! XD Thanks to Guest and eternalsmiles for the review as well! Till next!**


	7. Neji, Lee: In the Name of Youth

**Title: In the Name of Youth**

**Characters: Neji, Lee, Kankuro, Gaara**

**Requested by: Metoochocolate**

**Prompt: **** Neji POV - Prequel to "Just (Best) Friends"**

**Universe: Alternate**

**Category: Friendship**

**Rating: T for language**

**Summary: ****Neji almost always disagreed with Lee's beliefs and life principles. But if there was one thing the two absolutely agreed on, it was that no one was allowed to badmouth their female best friend, not without getting beaten up to a pulp by them.**

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**Opening Song: "Black Water" by Nobuo Uematsu (from the **_**Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children **_**OST)**

a.

Neji, despite considering Lee as one of his closest friends (although he would never say it out loud, _ever_), almost always disagreed with the latter's beliefs and life principles. (Exhibit A: Lee's motto number one—Let your springtime of youth explode and shower your life with sunbeams, rainbows and other sparkly stuff.) They rarely agree on anything—their choice of clothes (Neji wouldn't be caught dead wearing Lee's favorite green jumper), manner of speaking (nor was he willing to say anything related to anyone's youth, himself included), and taste in women (he still couldn't quite comprehend how the idiot found pink hair dye attractive in a girl).

But if there was one thing the two absolutely agreed on, it was that no one, _no one_, was allowed to badmouth their female best friend, not without getting beaten up to a pulp by them. After all, what was the use of being black belters in karate if they could not protect the honor of, to borrow one of Lee's favorite terms, "their lovely blossom"?

And so when he found a crying Tenten on his bed one night after he had come home from work, and was later informed that Lee had rushed to the nearest convenient store for ice cream—Tenten's favorite comfort food, no less—Neji _knew _Lee and he were going to have to put their martial arts skills to use very soon.

b.

Finding the fiend who had insulted Tenten was no easy feat, and Neji had to admit that Lee's connections were the only way they even got a head start. The hyperactive guy's long-time girlfriend, Haruno Sakura, was at least privy to the guy's name—Sabaku no Kankuro—but she didn't know where he lived or how Tenten met him (which was not surprising, because neither Neji nor Lee knew half of the guys Tenten dated). Neji considered it sheer luck when they finally found out details about the guy—he was a regular customer in Tenten's favorite café (that was where they met), where Chouji, who was Ino's boyfriend, who was Sakura's best friend, was working. A little more stalking (courtesy of Lee, because Neji would not stoop down _that_ low) rewarded them with an address, and one Saturday morning, Neji finally found himself standing in front of a small bungalow, waiting silently as his guy best friend pounded on the front door.

A young man with dark eyebags, fiery red hair and a weird tattoo on his forehead answered the door.

"Greetings!" Lee boomed, and Neji inwardly cringed at his friend's ridiculous speech pattern. Who in their right mind would greet someone they plan to beat up like that? "Are you Sabaku no Kankuro-san, loyal patron of the Akimichi's Coffee Shop in the corner of Konoha Avenue and Suna Drive?"

Neji fought the urge to beat up Lee instead.

The young man who answered the door regarded them with cold, cold eyes, and before Lee could make a follow-up salutation, the guy turned around and called inside the house. "You have a visitor, Kankuro." He made no move to get out of the way though, nor did he extend an invitation for the two men to go inside the house.

Neji heard a shuffle of feet, and a couple of seconds more and a bob of dark brown hair greeted them behind the young man who opened the door.

"Whosit?" the newcomer slurred, and Neji was not sure if his speech impediment was the result of beer buzz or lack of sleep. He frowned as he examined the guy who was supposed to be Tenten's ex—rumpled clothes, unkempt hair, obviously bad bedside manners—and wondered not for the first time why his best friend's tastes in guys were _Terrible_, capital T for emphasis_._

"We are here to talk to you in behalf of our lovely blossom," Lee extemporized all of a sudden, before Neji could think of stopping him. "You have defiled her honor, and we demand that you apologize to her for marring her pristine reputation like that."

Silence enveloped the four men, until Kankuro snapped out of his buzzed-out stupor and blurted out a confused "What the hell are you talking about?"

Neji closed his eyes, sighed in exasperation, and counted from one to ten.

"Do not deny it, you scoundrel!" Lee suddenly boomed, pointing an accusing finger at the guy. "You must atone for your crimes, villain of youth and love!"

Neji added five more beats to his internal counting.

"Listen here, freak," Kankuro replied, clearly irritated. "Crazy alley is two blocks down, so run along before your stupidity infects us all."

He was about to slam the door to their faces when Lee, in righteous indignation, punched a fist on the doorpost. "Not until you answer for what you did to our precious Tenten!"

And suddenly it was as if Kankuro finally understood everything, such was the change in the expression on his face.

"Oh, you're friends with that _bitch_?" he asked, smugly at that. Behind him, Gaara stood, arms across his chest, waiting silently.

"Do not call her that!" Lee all but exploded, fist hitting the doorpost once again. "Apologize to her, fiend!"

Kankuro laughed menacingly. "And why should I?" he chuckled, mirroring the posture of his brother behind him. "That little whore led me on, pretending to be interested in me, but she wouldn't even let me touch her boobs." He sniggered. "Not that they're anything to be proud of. I've seen better racks than hers."

That was the last words that came out of Kankuro's lips before Neji found his fist planted firmly against the former's mouth.

c.

Two hours and a black eye later, Neji found himself driving home from Kankuro's place, a jubilant Lee all but bouncing on the passenger seat. Said guy was none the better—he was sporting an obvious lump on his right temple, and Neji was pretty sure that at least his left ankle was sprained.

Neji made a mental note to drag his hyperactive friend to the hospital later, but not before checking in their apartment, where Tenten was currently waiting, oblivious to the fact that her two best friends had brawled against her ex-boyfriend and his brother.

"We showed them, right, Neji?" Lee beamed, uncaring that he was probably adding to his list of injuries by pumping his fist excitedly up in the air. "We defeated the villains of youth and love, and have defended Tenten's honor!"

Neji, who normally disagreed on anything Lee said, especially when his sentences were laced with the words "youth" and, well, more youth, felt the corner of his right lip tug upward in a small smile.

"Indeed we have," he answered, choosing to ignore the urge to add a youthful "yosh" at the end of his sentence.

**Closing Song: "Who Are You Protecting?" by Noriyuki Asakura (from the **_**Rurouni Kenshin **_**OST)**

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**For metoochocolate. I know you requested for NejiTen, but somehow this came out more like a NejiLee friendship story. I hope you don't mind. It's Neji's POV, at least? /insert worried look here**

**For everyone else, story happened sometime between sections d and e of "Just (Best) Friends" (see Story 01 for reference). I wanted to add a Tenten cameo, but I can't seem to make it work. Anyway, Neji-and-Lee friendship stories deserve some love too. **

**Reviews, lovelies?**


	8. Team Seven: Menage a Trois

**Title: ****Ménage à trois**

**Characters: Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto**

**Requested by: Lonely Athena**

**Prompt: **** Team Seven: Love and friendship**

**Universe: Alternate**

**Category: Romance/Friendship/Angst**

**Rating: M**

**Summary: ****She** **felt like a whore. For the first few weeks, that is.**

**Warning: Crappy attempt at lime, plus a string of cuss words that may cause bleeding eardrums. And excessive OOCness. Not suited for readers ages 17 and below. Seriously, if you're below legal drinking age, please, please skip this chapter.**

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**Opening Song: "Born Secular" by Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins**

a.

Wikipediadefined it as "the French term describing a domestic arrangement in which three people having sexual relations occupy the same household." Haruno Sakura called it "a set-up that doubled her probability of ending up pregnant before her 25th birthday."

b.

She couldn't even remember exactly when it all started. She moved in with them when Nara Shikamaru left the condominium to finally live in with his fiancée Yamanaka Ino, three months after they graduated from college. It was convenient, because Ino was her roommate, and with the blonde beauty moving out to live with Shikamaru, Sakura couldn't afford a unit with her meager salary as a hospital intern—med school was already draining her trust fund quicker than she could save up for her other expenditures. She didn't think the situation was awkward; after all, they had been best friends at the university, even when Sasuke and Naruto held a rivalry only bested by the rivalry of their senpai Kakashi and some oddball by the name of Maito Gai.

A week later she moved in with them, occupying the room Shikamaru once slept in. A month later, the unit started looking like decent people actually lived in it. Sakura wasn't the domestic type, but she did her part as the lady in the house—prepared the food (if there was food in the refrigerator or the cupboards, and if not, bullied either Sasuke or Naruto, but usually Naruto, to accompany her to the grocery), made sure the boys bring their dirty clothes to the laundry mat at least once a week, and hired help to clean the place every Saturday.

Roughly three months later (Sakura didn't know exactly when), she lost her virginity to the former Konoha Junior High School ace basketball player.

c.

Naruto was out of town for a martial arts competition, and she and Sasuke were running out of things to talk about. It wasn't too much of a problem during the daytime—Sakura had her job in the hospital, and Sasuke had review classes for his licensure exam—but it was during the night that the tension in the small unit became unbearable. It didn't help that Sakura maybe harbored a tiny bit of a crush (or an outright obsession, probably) for the former basketball ace, and the only reason why she did not act on her feelings was because she knew Sasuke hated girls who squealed and kissed the ground he walked on.

The first few nights, Sakura had managed to hide from her flat mate by hibernating in her room, but eventually she had gotten so bored that she finally succumbed to the temptation of seeking out Sasuke in an attempt to strike up a decent conversation (or a bit of subtle flirting, if she was lucky).

"Hey, Sasuke-kun?"

She found him on the couch, watching television, looking bored out of his mind. On the floor were piles of engineering books, and for a second she feared that she might be disturbing Sasuke in the middle of his review.

"What?" came his bored reply, and Sakura took a deep breath to steel her nerves. It wouldn't do any good to appear frail and weak in front of Sasuke after all.

"I'm bored," she answered as nonchalantly as she could, sitting down silently on the other edge of the couch. "What's on cable?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Porn."

Sakura did a double take, just to make sure that her flat mate was only joking. Except that she realized, to her horror, that Sasuke was in fact watching _porn_ on television. "O-oh," she stuttered, face turning as pink as her dyed hair, and wanting nothing more than for the floor to open up and swallow her whole. To think that Sasuke would be so unaffected by something like X-rated movies made Sakura blush in humiliation. "I'll, uh, leave you to your, uh, devices then," she managed to say, before she quickly stood up to run back in her room and probably hide for eternity.

She was halfway across their small living room when she heard her name being called. "Sakura."

Freezing, she whispered a faint, "Y-yes?"

"You said you're bored, right?"

She gulped, before risking a glance back to where the ace was seated. "Y-yes?"

She watched as Sasuke turn off the telly, and slowly stood up from the couch. "I know a way to pass the time," he said, no hint of playfulness in his voice whatsoever.

It was all she could do to not faint right then and there.

d.

Sakura all but lunged on Naruto when he entered their unit the following afternoon. The college trickster caught her in mid-air, duffel bags still on his shoulder, and they tumbled down the floor in a heap of sweaty flesh and creaky bones.

"Someone missed me," Naruto chuckled as he tried to help Sakura stand up after. "Neh, Sakura-chan, you okay?"

Sakura, who was more likely to use Naruto as a punching bag than a huggable pillow, clung tightly onto his neck, her pretty face buried in his broad chest.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto's voice shifted from playful to worried, but still she didn't budge. She knew Sasuke was probably watching them from behind; they were eating snacks in the dining room when they heard Naruto announce that he has arrived. But she didn't care. She wanted to hold Naruto until she fell asleep, as if hugging him close would erase the fact that she had fucked his friend while he was out of town.

"I'm fine," she answered, her lips muffed against Naruto's shirt. "Just missed your sorry ass, that's all." A pause. "You had better brought me home some gold medals, or else I'll kick you right out of the house."

That night (a little past midnight, actually), she knocked on Naruto's bedroom door, clad only in her pajamas. Naruto opened the door, took one good look at her, and decided that something was indeed wrong. He allowed her to enter his room and even helped her settle in his bed. Next thing she knew, she was kissing Naruto with a fervor that shocked even herself. A couple of hours later, she woke up in the embrace of her other best friend, with a realization that she had slept with two guys in two nights, and that her life, _their lives, _will never be the same again.

e.

She felt like a fucking whore. For the first few weeks, that is.

f.

They somehow settled into a non-verbal arrangement, a kind of schedule on who gets to sleep with her on which day. She usually spent Monday and Tuesday nights with Sasuke, and slept in Naruto's bedroom every Thursday and Friday. Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays were usually spent in her own room, a rest period of sorts.

She didn't always sleep with/fucked/made love with either on their assigned days. Usually she just spent the night there, nestled in the strong arms of either Naruto or Sasuke until both of them fall asleep. When morning came, there will be the usual pleasantries between whoever she slept with the night before, and she was usually the one who left the bedroom first.

g.

They only attempted a threesome once. It had been awkward afterward, and Sakura didn't sleep with either guy for a month.

h.

It took a stupid fight between her and Naruto to break the temporary vow of chastity (boy, now she not only felt like a goddamn whore, she also sounded like a fucking hypocrite as well).

It was a Tuesday, and Sasuke had called in to say that he will be going home late because of a last-minute meeting. Sakura and Naruto sat in silence at the dinner table, eating bentos of ebi tempura and kamimeshi.

The argument had started from a very minor issue, actually. Naruto stole a tempura from Sakura's plate when he thought she wasn't looking. But she had been in a bad mood that day— Tsunade-shishou had scolded her for accidentally swapping the records of two patients, a rookie mistake, but a fatal one at that. Naruto acting like a stupid adolescent was the last straw.

"Give that back you fucking man-whore."

Naruto gasped. "Language, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura wasted no time socking Naruto's left eye. The tempura landed ungracefully on the floor as a result.

"Naruto!" she hissed as the poor guy nursed his eye. "That was the last piece!"

Naruto, oblivious to the death sentence hanging above his head, decided to annoy her further. "What are you worrying about that stupid tempura for?" he whined, standing up and pretending to be blind in one eye, "I'm injured. Nurse me back to health, neh, Sakura-chan."

Sakura kicked him in the groin for good measure. Naruto folded forward in pain.

"Baka."

She stomped away from the scene of crime, unsuspecting. Oh how wrong she was for being so trusting. Three seconds later, she was pinned on the nearest wall, face flat on the hard wood.

"What the hell?!" she screeched when she felt Naruto's body pressed against hers.

"You play very dirty, Sakura-chan," she heard Naruto chuckle in her ear, and she shivered in unwanted delight.

"Let me go," she groaned back, but didn't protest when Naruto started hitching her skirt up her small waist.

"What?" the boy-man whispered, slowly stroking the inside of her left thigh. "I can't hear you. You must have made my ear impaired for life too, dattebayo."

"Ugh," Sakura managed to croak, her eyes fluttering close to enjoy the sensation more. It had been more than a month since Naruto last touched her like that, and she didn't realize that she had missed it badly.

"What did you say?" Naruto continued asking, planting soft kisses from the base of her nape all the way to her right shoulder. "I can't hear you, Sakura-chan."

"Fuck you."

A chuckle. "Ah, you want me to fuck you?"

Sakura merely whimpered. Naruto took that as a yes, and he quickly turned her around so that she stood facing him. He offered her a boyish, half-apologetic grin, and all of her irritation for the blond boy flew out the window.

i.

The first crack appeared in their second year of living together. It was a Wednesday, Sakura remembered, because she had spent the previous night making out with Sasuke until two o'clock in the morning. Her body was still aching all over, and there were inglorious kiss marks everywhere—her neck, her breasts, her stomach, even her thighs! She had to wear a black turtleneck long sleeves to work (and it was the middle of the summer season!) just to hide the bruises.

Come evening, Sakura came home, exhausted and irritated, to a table filled with all of her favorite food. Sasuke had been waiting for her, seated on his usual chair, arms across his chest.

Sakura did a double-take. "Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke smirked in response. "I got bored."

Sakura chuckled, closed the gap between them, and wrapped her arms around Sasuke's shoulders. "Thank you," she grinned, because special attention from the former ace was rare, and by gods she was going to milk it for all that it was worth. "Where's Naruto?"

Sasuke shrugged. "In his bedroom. Sleeping." he answered. "Let the dobe starve. He didn't help cut the vegetables anyway."

An hour later, Sakura found herself nestled in Sasuke's strong, sturdy arms as they watched an old movie in the living room. Said guy was unconsciously making lazy circles on her right arm, and instead of giving the calming effect that would lull her to slumber, Saura felt more awake as every second passed.

Finally, she lifted her lips close enough to Sasuke's ear for him to hear: "I want you. Tonight."

Sasuke stared at her with raised eyebrows, before his small frown melted into a smirk, and Sakura didn't even have the time to squeak before Sasuke was pushing her down the couch.

It was only hours after, when Sakura woke up to the soft click of the light switch in the living room, did she realize Naruto had seen them, and had, perhaps, minded the break from the routine, after all.

j.

Surprisingly, it was Sasuke who finally voiced out the unspoken concern the three of them had for months and counting. They were in the living room; Sasuke sitting on the sofa, Sakura lying on her side, head resting on Sasuke's lap, with Naruto seated on the floor, hair being mused over by the long nails of Sakura's right hand. They were watching cartoons, for some weird reason, when Sasuke suddenly said out of the blue:

"You need to choose."

Sakura froze. She had dreaded this conversation, although she had felt that it was coming, and coming soon. She had seen it in the way Sasuke would glare or frown when she would kiss Naruto on the lips in the middle of the kitchen, in the way that Naruto would always disappear when she started acting inappropriate with Sasuke in the room. She just wished, _hoped, _that it would eventually go away, that, just like their other petty arguments and fights, this monster of jealousy would leave their little group alone.

But this wasn't so.

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut in the vain attempt to make it all go away. Sasuke's voice cut through her like a double-edged sword.

"You can't keep stalling, Sakura." There was the usual coldness his voice, his voice which Sakura loved so much, and it was mixed with a serving of irritation on the side.

"Who's going to stop me?" she managed to answer, though her insides were starting to melt like ice cream, and not in a good way.

"Teme's right," she suddenly heard Naruto speak. "We can't keep on doing this, Sakura-chan. It's not fair, dattebayo."

Sakura bit her lip. Fair? What was fair? How could they expect her to be fair? She loved them both! It was crazy, downright stupid, but there was no helping it. She loved them equally, no one greater than the other. She loved Sasuke's stoicism and intelligence, and the way his kisses would always melt her insides and his scent would make her brain turn to mush. She loved Naruto's boyishness and strength, how he allows her to be herself and take control when she wants to, and vice versa. She loved them together and apart, she loved them to the point of wanting to eat them whole so that they could forever be a part of her being. Losing either guy would be like subjecting herself to torture, and Sakura never liked unnecessary pain. Sure, she'd accept pain if it was towards a good end—like muscle cramps after a round of judo exercises, or a stomachache after eating her favorite anko dumplings—but never if the pain would cause only more pain. She knew she was being selfish, but she didn't want to lose either Naruto or Sasuke. She wanted them both, loved them both, needed them both.

"No," she answered, eyes still closed. "And that's final."

k.

Exactly three weeks and five days later, Sakura packed her bags and left the unit.

Sasuke and Naruto found a letter on the dining table, beneath a steaming plate filled with their favorite food. It read:

_I know you will both hate me for this, but I'm still doing this and no, you can't stop me._

_You asked me to make a decision, to choose who I love more, who I want to be with on a more permanent setup. This is my choice._

_I choose neither._

_Understand that I'm doing this because I love you both. Choosing between you two is like choosing which eye or which arm or which leg I love more. I guess it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I can't choose which side of the body I like better. _

_I'm not an idiot. I know that sooner or later you'd grow tired of our little setup, of having to share me between you two. I honestly wouldn't have minded if it had lasted a little longer, but I guess it's about time that I move on, that we all move on. Both of you would have obeyed me if I had said our setup would go on forever, and believe me, if I thought that it wouldn't destroy you, I'd keep you both for myself._

_But I love you, Sasuke-kun and Naruto, and I want nothing more in the world than to see you both happy. I hope that with my leave, you'll both find the happiness that I stole from you for so many years._

_Please do not look for me. We'll see each other again. Hopefully soon, but not that soon._

_All my love,_

_Sakura_

l.

Sakura opened the front door of her new unit. She looked around before stepping inside, dragging her things behind her. She heaved a heavy sigh.

"Damn it," she whispered to no one, "I already miss them."

Not bothering with the tear that fell from her left eye (she had always been emotional after all), she forced a brave smile as she shut the door close.

"I'll be alright," she tried to convince herself, but the words choked her before she could even get them out, "I have to be alright."

**Closing Song: "The Re-arranger" by Mates of State**

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**For Lonely Athena: By gods, I hope you're 18 or above. And you did say you want a Team Seven friendship/love story, and, err, this is what I came up with?**

**For everyone else: I actually cheated, because this is an old story for **_**Battle Royale **_**(original characters were Takako Chigusa, Hiroki Sugimura and Shinji Mimura), but I revised it a bit to fit the profiles of Team Seven (although sprinkles of OOCness are evident here and there). Now I'm going to take a long shower, scrub my skin with a bar of laundry soap, and go back to writing wholesome stories, because I suck at writing anything lemony. Ugh.**

**Anyway, reviews?**


	9. NejiTen: The Hatchet or Us

**Title: ****The Hatchet or Us**

**Characters: Tenten, Neji, Lee, Hinata, Kiba**

**Requested by: Ichigo-chan**

**Prompt: ****NejiTen: breakup / deadly mission**

**Universe: Canon**

**Category: Romance/Angst**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: ****Tenten was crass and her use of language had always been colorful, but he was rarely at the receiving end of her curses, let along the demeaning nickname she was using on him right now.**

* * *

**Opening Song: "Which to Bury, the Hatchet or Us" by Relient K**

"Early, as expected."

Neji tried to block out the source of _noise_ by focusing on his breathing, inhale, exhale, breathe in, breathe out. Still, he could feel the venomous glare his ex-teammate was giving him, ten feet from his post under the wide arch of the village gates.

"Oh? Not even a glare? Don't think I'm important enough to acknowledge, bastard?"

The prodigy counted from one to ten, silently calming his nerves and preparing his mental state for the expected scuffle that would ensue. After all, it had been six long months since he last saw Tenten, and their meeting before she was sent to a long, undercover mission in the Land of Lightning had been anything but pleasant.

"Nothing? Nothing at all? Guess that pole is still lodged pretty high up your ass, huh?"

Neji felt a headache budding from his right temple, slowly pulsating to spread across his forehead. He wondered how long it would take before their other members would arrive at the scene and stop whatever onslaught of words (or weapons) Tenten would throw at him. Or perhaps it was better if he faced the problem head on. It would do no good if he kept stalling anyway; the success of their mission depended on his team's ability to cooperate, and he could not afford any strain between the members of his little cell if he wanted to succeed.

Opening his eyes slowly, he finally laid eyes on her, his former sparring partner, past best friend, ex-girlfriend. Tenten was in her usual twin buns, the huge scroll strapped across his back, and she was eyeing him with something akin to murderous intent. Still, Neji could not deny his attraction for the pretty brunette, never could, not since he realized he was in love with her two years ago, the second she came barreling down the earth from a careless rendition of Twin Rising Dragons.

That didn't stop him from feeling the urge to strangle her then and there, like he had wanted to ever since she had left for her mission in Lightning.

"Ready to acknowledge my presence at last, bastard?"

Neji clenched his right fist against his knee, stopping himself from jyuukening the weapons' wielder in front of him. Tenten was crass and her use of language had always been colorful, but he was rarely at the receiving end of her curses, let along the demeaning nickname she was using on him right now. It irked him that he could do nothing to make her stop _talking, _because bluntly telling her to shut up would only cause her to be more talkative, and, the first Hokage forbid, creative in her use of foul words.

"Tenten," he began slowly, reveling in the way her name rolled out of his tongue. "I understand that we are not in the best of terms right now, and possibly not in the near or far future, but I am expecting you to act professionally until the mission is over."

He was half-expecting the feisty kunoichi to start throwing kunais in his direction, but he was not expecting her to merely snort in response.

"I have always been professional in my assignments, _Hyuuga_," she replied, almost mocking, and Neji wasn't sure which he hated more, Tenten calling him a bastard, or Tenten referring to him only by his last name. "And you can bet your pretty little clannish ass that we will not be in the best of terms for a very long time, probably _ever_."

He was still thinking of a decent comeback to her retort when he heard the distinct sound of barking, and within another half-minute the rest of their four-man cell—Kiba and Hinata—had arrived in the scene.

The kunoichi immediately turned her back on him, and her demeanor did a complete one-hundred-eighty degree shift as soon as Akamaru jumped at her and smothered her with doggy affection.

Neji never thought he'd be jealous of a dog, but at that very moment, he was very jealous indeed.

* * *

"_An undercover mission? Are you that desperate to run away from me?"_

_Neji inwardly winced at the coldness of his voice, but his patience had already worn off three days ago. Tenten had done everything to avoid him for the past two weeks, and it was only through Naruto—Naruto!—that he even found out that she had accepted a six-month mission away from the village._

_The kunoichi stopped in the middle of reading the label of what appeared to be a bottle of metal polisher, and chuckled dryly at him. Placing back the bottle on the shelf, she pushed her grocery cart away from the prodigy, answering him without even turning her head, "Don't think too highly of yourself, Hyuuga."_

_They were in the middle of Aisle Seventeen in the small supermarket in the center of Konoha, surrounded by half a dozen civilians, but Neji didn't care in the slightest. She had taken into calling him by his last name lately, the few times he managed to get a hold of her, in between his trainings with Lee and Naruto, since Tenten no longer wanted to train with him._

_Yanking the weapons' mistress' arm so that she was forced to face him, he gave her his angriest glare, and growled, "Stop running away from us!"_

_Tenten froze for a fraction of a second, before she recovered enough of her senses to push Neji away. "Us?" she chuckled bitterly._ _"_Us_? In case you have forgotten, _Hyuuga, _there is no more _us_. There is only you and your precious clan. There will never be an _us _again."_

_And then she was gone, leaving Neji feeling more alone than he had ever felt before._

* * *

Tenten mentally cursed Naruto as she hopped from one branch to the next, following Kiba and Akamaru up front, with Hinata tailing from behind. Sometimes she wondered why Tsunade-sama even relinquished her title as the hokage and turned over the reins to that _idiot, _because he was clearly not thinking when he assigned her to a mission so soon after she had returned from her previous one.

And with Neji as the leader, of all people.

Really, had Naruto not been the current hokage, Tenten would have skewered him to bits and pieces for being stupendously dumb.

And it was not even a matter of requiring her expertise. The assignment was more of reconnaissance, which was why there were three sensors in the group. Why she was even part of the cell—or why the mission needed four jounins when it was obvious a group of chunnins would be enough for the job—was beyond her, maybe except for that tiny voice in her head whispering that Naruto had set it all up, to force her and Neji to talk and maybe resolve whatever bad blood they have between them.

Which only fortified Tenten's earlier conviction that Naruto was an idiot, a well-meaning one, but an idiot still.

Because no amount of talking would erase all the hurtful words Neji and she had thrown at each other, all the misery and tears those had caused, all the painful memories that led to the dissolution of Team Gai, despite the youthful cries of their old sensei and teammate.

Throwing a careless glance behind her, Tenten's eyes zeroed in on Hinata, and all too suddenly she was reminded why she and Neji had broken up more than six months before.

* * *

"_What do you mean you're breaking up with me?"_

_Neji was never panicky, but Tenten would swear later that the Hyuuga prodigy was in full-blown panic when she told him, right after their usual sparring session, that she no longer wished to be associated with him in the romantic kind of sense._

"_That's exactly what I mean," the kunoichi whispered, because any more loudly and her voice would break and she would start crying again, like she had done the previous night, when she had decided that she would end things with Neji, for her sanity's sake._

"_If this is about what happened during our last assignment, I told you . . ."_

_But Tenten cut Neji off before he could even finish a sentence. "I told you, Neji, I will not idly stand by and watch you waste your life away because of your clan. I love you too much for that."_

"_Don't be stupid. I am _not _wasting my life away. I am merely fulfilling my duty as . . ."_

"_You almost _died_, Neji!" Tenten shrieked, no longer caring that tears were falling down her eyes, or that sobs were racking her chest. "Sakura had to pump your heart with chakra five times just to restart it!"_

"_Hinata-sama would have been hurt had I not . . ."_

"_And what do you think Hinata would have felt had you died protecting her?" the kunoichi continued to yell, gripping her chest because it hurt so much, fighting with Neji about something she knew meant so much to him. But Tenten wanted him to understand that the clan did not own him, nor did he owe them anything, Hinata included._

"_What do you think _I _would have felt had you died?!"_

_And then Neji was no longer arguing, only trying to reach to her, but Tenten would have none of it anymore. If Neji wanted to remain caged in his twisted idea of fate, even when Hinata and Hiashi-dono had all but told him directly that he was free, then Tenten would not stay caged with him._

"_It's over, Neji," she said, and it sounded final, and as she turned around and walked away, she told herself that it was, indeed._

* * *

Two hours into the mission and their cell was already in trouble—they came across a band of rogue nins in the outskirts of the Land of Fire, and they had to engage in combat because it was obvious that the nins were not going to just let them walk quietly away.

Neji jyuukened another opponent and did a quick sweep of the surrounding area, noting that Kiba and Akamaru were doing powerful damage amid a throng of thugs who were unfortunate enough to gang against them. A little to their left stood Tenten, holding her post with the grace and fluidity that Neji knew so well, and he felt a strange sort of pride watching her throw kunai after kunai at her marks, all of them hitting her intended targets.

Only then did he focus on Hinata-sama, and realized too late that his cousin was in imminent danger of being decapitated by a bulky nin twice her size.

"Hinata-sama!" he charged, gentle-fisting the last of his enemies in an attempt to rush to his cousin's aid, only to find a chain ball zip from his left, from the direction where he saw Tenten last. A split second more and the huge man flew away from Hinata, courtesy of Tenten's gigantic weapon.

Relieved to see that his charge was out of danger, Neji quickly turned to check on his former teammate, but not before watching Hinata's lavender eyes grow wide in fear and horror, as the Hyuuga heiress cried out their teammate's name.

"Tenten-san!"

And that was when he saw it, the three-foot long katana, lodged firmly near the weapons' mistress's heart, and Neji felt his blood run cold.

"Tenten!"

* * *

"_Why do you insist on protecting Hinata every single time?!" Tenten all but choked as she clung onto Neji, minutes after Sakura had guaranteed her that the prodigy was out of danger. "She is not a defenseless little girl! Have more faith in her!"_

"_I am responsible for her," Neji managed to respond, his heart still beating erratically, courtesy of the lightning strike his body suffered from when he blocked an attack aimed at his cousin half an hour past. His arms were loosely around Tenten's waist, and his nose was buried in her hair, relishing the fact that she was safe, alive, and by his side. "It is my duty to take care of her."_

"_You're an idiot, Neji, an idiot," the kunoichi shrilly told him, pushing herself away from Neji's embrace. _

"_Hinata-sama is a valuable member of our clan," Neji insisted. And then, "More importantly, she's an important person to me." Because he had almost killed her once, and he had vowed to himself that he would atone for his sin by protecting her for as long as he could._

_Tenten blinked, and then quietly stood up, turned her back on him, and walked away._

* * *

The first thing Tenten felt when she woke up was a burning sensation in her chest, a painful sting that not even the strongest of anesthesia could completely numb. Blinking back tired brown eyes, she took one look around and realized she was in the Konoha Hospital, miles away from her last battle.

She felt something heavy on her left arm, and she looked down, only to find Lee sleeping at the side of her bed. She smiled fondly at her friend, at the obvious concern he had for her, and she gently patted his head with shaky fingers, willing him to wake.

The taijutsu expert suddenly shot up, jumping and exclaiming and apologizing for falling asleep, when he was supposed to watch over her while she took her youthful slumber.

Tenten tried to chuckle, but she realized quickly that even breathing deeply caused her pain. So she settled for a small smile and assured Lee that it was all right, that she was all right.

"But I am so glad that you are finally awake, my youthful blossom! We have been worried sick about you!"

To this the kunoichi frowned. How long had she been unconscious anyway? "Lee . . ."

And then the green beast was rudely shoved away, and in his place stood Neji, worry and concern and something she could not quite read all over his handsome face. Tenten took a second to really look at him, and realized he was all too worse for wear—his head was bandaged and there were at least three different patches of medical gauze on his neck and arms.

"N-nej—?"

"You're an idiot."

Her temper flared all of a sudden, and she winced when her chest wound suddenly started throbbing painfully. And then Neji was bending toward her in a flash, pushing her down when she attempted to sit up and smack him a good one on the head.

"B-bastard," Tenten managed to choke out, even when it lacked its usual bite.

"You focused too much on Hinata-sama's opponent that you completely neglected your own," the prodigy reprimanded her, arranging her pillows as he did. "You could have died protecting her. Idiot."

And suddenly Tenten felt very tired, so tired that all she could manage was a soft snort of affirmation. "She was important to you. Of course I had to protect her."

She felt Neji's hand clench somewhere near her head, and Tenten wondered if perhaps, her ex-boyfriend was going to finally strangle her, like she knew he wanted to do since half a year ago. She did a quick sweep of the room, only to realize that Lee had abandoned her, that _traitor_, left her to deal with a possible homicidal former teammate and friend.

"And you think you're not important to me?"

Tenten blinked, not really expecting the question. Of course she knew she was; in the back of her mind she always knew Neji cared for her, even when half of the time she annoyed him to death, even when she explicitly told him she wanted nothing more to do with him.

"What do you think _I_ would have felt had you died?"

Hearing her own words thrown back at her did funny things to her stomach, and Tenten was not sure if she should laugh or cry or play dead until Neji left her alone.

"I will not idly stand by as you throw your life away for my clan, Tenten," continued the genius sternly, because Tenten was too silent and too much at a loss for words. And then, to the kunoichi's utter surprise, Neji's glare morphed into a soft smile, and he whispered, "That is why I am never going to let you walk away from me again."

"N-neji," she whispered back, because she still wasn't sure how to answer him, and salty tears were brimming around her eyes all of a sudden.

"Don't ever walk away from me again, Tenten," Neji almost pleaded, before pressing his forehead against her, making Tenten tear up as so many different emotions—possibly love the greatest one of them—swam in her heart.

"Bastard," she managed to retort, finally, as she pulled Neji down for a kiss.

* * *

"_Ready?" she asked him, grinning as they stood side by side, just outside the village gates, Hinata, and Sakura a little to their right. They were meeting up with Shikamaru's team somewhere near the Fire border, to serve as backup for the Nara's team._

_Neji shot Tenten a pointed look, as if telling her that he would always be ready for anything._

_Tenten chuckled, before pressing her index and middle fingers against the back of Neji's hand. "Do you think you can last five minutes without worrying about your cousin?"_

"_It is my duty to worry about her," was the baritone response, and Tenten rolled her eyes in mock exasperation._

"_She's a jounin like us, idiot," she chided her boyfriend, tilting her head to the side, where Hinata and Sakura stood, awaiting orders. "Have a little faith in her."_

"_Believing in her should not be enough reason not to care for her," Neji answered, but Tenten noticed that he was smiling slightly, as if he was merely teasing her. "I have complete faith in you, and yet I care for you all the same."_

_To this Tenten faked a gush, because she knew Neji hated fangirl gushing. "Aww, Neji-kun is so sweet."_

_She was expecting a harsh reprimand, but instead, Neji grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to him._

"_Who's the idiot now?" he asked, smirking, and then he pressed his lips against hers briefly, before he broke into a run, signaling the start of their mission._

_Tenten guffawed as she followed Neji to the forest, her heart beating happily in her chest._

"_Bastard."_

**Closing song: "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink featuring Nate Ruess**

* * *

**For Ichigo-chan. Kripes. This took longer than expected. Would you believe I wrote down the first page two months ago? Granted, in that original version I had to kill Chouji, but meh, I think this worked out better. Hope you like it!**

**For everyone else. Woot! I finally finished **_**Scars and Stitches**_**! Meaning I can devote more time writing your requests, and maybe updating **_**Songs for a Dancer **_**and **_**Kill the Messenger. **_**In the meantime, be a darling and leave a review, because you know, I'm a sucker for those.**

**A/N: ****Due to real-life responsibilities and a very busy schedule, I need to temporarily hold off accepting new requests for _Rookie Roulette _until I finish the pending ones listed in my profile page. I'll open up the request thread as soon as I feel I can devote enough time to writing fanfiction again.**


	10. Sand Siblings: Matchmakers

**Title: Matchmakers**

**Characters: Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, Hinata, Tenten, Neji**

**Requested by: LaughinConfusion**

**Prompt: ****Sand siblings: family and romance**

**Universe: Canon**

**Category: Humor/Romance**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: H****e was going to kill his foolish, **_**infatuated**_** brother, if a furious, **_**jealous **_**Hyuuga would not beat him to it.**

* * *

**Opening Song: "You Can't Hurry Love" by the Supremes**

Gaara was going to kill someone.

Specifically, he was going to kill his foolish, _infatuated_ brother, who was the very reason he was in this awkward situation to begin with.

That was, if a furious, _jealous _Hyuuga would not beat him to it.

Seriously, Gaara thought Kankuro deserved it anyway, being jyuukened to death by an irate Hyuuga Neji, what with the way he has been shamelessly flirting with the prodigy's female teammate since the start of their joint mission. Truth be told, Gaara commended the famed weapons' mistress of Konoha, for having enough patience to tolerate his brother's advances, without threatening to castrate or dissect his innards, not even once.

Then again, the Kazekage did not think that such threats would do any good for the relationship between their two villages.

Nor would it deter Kankuro from trying to ask Tenten out on a date every single chance he could.

"You have to admit, it's so pathetic it's actually quite funny."

Gaara turned to face the grinning face of his sister, who, he thought warily, was the reason they were in this predicament in the first place. After all, it was she who specifically requested for Team Gai to accompany them to their trip, stating that their group was the most suited for the job. But Gaara knew better, and he suspected that Temari chose the taijutsu-concentrated team because she knew that their older brother had a not-so-subtle crush with the bun-haired kunoichi.

"You should stop playing matchmaker for Kankuro," Gaara scolded the fan wielder, shooting her a disapproving look before turning back to look at the road. Why he even agreed to go along with this _assignment _was beyond him; being the Kazekage was supposed to exempt him from missions like these, but no, he was trying to be a good brother for once and allowed Temari to drag him along.

"Oh stop being so uptight, Gaara," Temari chuckled in response, grinning impishly. "It's not like he's going to molest Tenten in broad daylight, you know. Especially not with _him _around," she added, titling her head to point at the Hyuuga prodigy currently glaring at the oldest Suna brother.

Gaara followed his sister's gaze and his eyes fell on the last member of their six-man cell—the dainty, demure Hyuuga heiress, a last-minute replacement for Rock Lee, who ran into a small accident that involved squirrels and extra-spicy curry—Gaara did not ask for further details—and thus could not come along with them. Hyuuga Hinata had been quiet the entire time, walking timidly beside the all-suffering panda-haired brunette.

The Kazekage studied her quietly as they walked on, briefly wondering why Hinata was picked as the substitute for the hyperactive green beast. The mission only required one sensor, which Neji got more than covered, and if they needed a powerhouse like Lee, it was only logical to get someone like Naruto or the Inuzuka to replace him in the squad.

So why Hinata?

"Hoh, you find her cute, don't you?" Temari suddenly chuckled from his right, making Gaara snap out of his musings and shoot his sister another blank stare.

"Do not involve me in your matchmaking schemes," he reprimanded her, realization dawning on him that perhaps, Temari had orchestrated even Lee's _accident _and Hinata's consequent inclusion in the team. "Just because you're in a complicated relationship with the Nara does not entitle you to meddle with the affairs of other people."

Temari guffawed. "I'm telling you, you're too uptight," she repeated her earlier statement. And then, as if to prove her point, she turned around and waved at the group walking behind them. "Hey Hinata! Come here for a second! Gaara wants to ask you something!"

The four ninja behind them all stared at the grinning kunoichi, and Gaara felt the tips of his ears heat up in embarrassment. Scratch killing Kankuro, he was going to bury Temari _alive_ in sand the second their mission was over.

"O-oh, okay," the heiress answered, quietly walking a little faster so that she could stand between Temari and Gaara, effectively leaving Tenten flanked by Kankuro to her right and Neji to her left. The kunoichi looked none-too-pleased with the disappearance of her buffer against the irate Hyuuga and the flirty Sabaku, but etiquette prompted her to suck it up and try to stop the two boys from killing each other.

"What is it that you want to ask, Gaara-san?" Hinata suddenly asked, yanking Gaara from silently observing the three people behind them. Turning to glare at Temari—who was suspiciously hiding her mouth with a hand, probably to conceal her devious smirk—Gaara looked at the younger Hyuuga and answered, "I was just going to ask how your teammates are doing."

He stopped himself from smacking his face with his palm at the stupidity of his question. Somewhere to their right, Gaara heard a distinct snort from an amused Sand kunoichi.

Hinata blinked, probably confused as to why the Kazekage was asking about Kiba's and Shino's welfares, when they hadn't really have any real interaction before. "Oh, uhm, they're all right," she answered still, "Shino-kun is on a mission with his father right now, and I think Kiba-kun is assigned to border patrol."

"Aa," Gaara replied. "That's good to hear then."

A few seconds of silence, and then, "Yes. Yes, it is. Thank you for showing concern about them, Gaara-san. That's very kind of you."

Gaara felt his ears burning up once again, but not entirely from embarrassment this time.

And then, all of a sudden, a scuffle, followed by a crash, was heard a few feet behind. Kazekage, fan wielder, and Hyuuga heiress all turned in time to find Kankuro hit a nearby tree, while a frantic Tenten tried to stop a fuming Hyuuga from attacking the puppet master any further.

"Neji! I'm sure he didn't mean it!"

"He tried to touch you inappropriately! He will pay for that!"

"Neji-nii-san! Stop!"

"Woo! You're so dead, my horny brother!"

"Shut up and help me get up! I think I dislocated my hip!"

Gaara closed his eyes briefly and wondered if he should interfere before Neji seriously attacked his brother, or if he should wait a few more seconds just to teach Kankuro a lesson. Just as he was deciding on his next course of action, his eyes involuntarily landed on the panicked Hinata, her face flushed red from worry and embarrassment—probably from the fact that Kankuro had tried to cop Tenten a feel. Gaara found himself with a small smile and a slightly faster heartbeat. He was not really sure what it meant, but he was not totally against the feeling either.

Maybe he was not going to kill Temari after all.

Another crash, and Gaara sighed before deciding that he should interfere at last.

He was still going to murder Kankuro though.

**Closing song: "Ready and Waiting to Fall" by MAE**

* * *

**For LaughinConfusion. Here you go. Because I think Temari is, and always will be, the most devious one. I hope you liked it.**

**For everyone else, I'm back, sort of. August is my hell month every year, plus I got sick a week ago, thus I had to stop writing for a bit until I got better and am able to catch up with work. I'm actually not fully back, and won't be until end of October (or November), but I'll try to squeeze in writing whenever I can.**

**As for that GaaraXHinata bit, I read a story before (I just can't remember the title), but it involved a GaaraxTentenxNeji triangle, but Tenten and Neji ended up together, and then for some reason, Gaara ended up with Hinata. The idea tickled me so much I thought I'd give it a try. I hope you guys don't use flamethrowers on me, especially the NaruHina shippers out there. **

_**Songs for a Dancer **_**has been updated as well, so please check it out and drop a line if you can. Because ShikaxTen needs love too.**


	11. Team Seven: Tsundereship 101

**Title: Tsundereship 101**

**Characters: Team Seven**

**Requested by: Fruity Smell**

**_Prompt:_ ****Any team: mission, tsundere, gender bender**

**Universe: Semi-canon**

**Category: Humor**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: ****"You are such a tsun-tsun, Sasu-chan."**

* * *

**Opening Song: "Remember You're a Girl" by Kaiser Chiefs**

_Scene 1_

Uchiha Sasuke woke up one morning, something in her gut telling her that something very, _very _wrong was going to happen. And it wasn't the kind of trouble she usually got in because of her dumb blonde teammate or their silent but pervy sensei. No, her Uchicha senses were tingling for a reason altogether different, and she dreaded getting up from her bed to find out what it was.

___Scene_ 2

Five hours later Sasuke found herself trudging along the dirt path that led outside their little village, walking a little behind her teammates—the loudmouth Naruto, blonde bombshell with red whiskers on her cheeks and the most ridiculous blue-and-orange jumper skirt Sasuke has ever laid eyes on, and the bossy Haruno Sakura, intelligent and handsome, except that he sported the pinkest of hair, as pink as cherry blossoms that was his namesake. A little further in front was their sensei, silver-haired Hatake Kakashi, one of the most acknowledged jounin in her generation, popular with the boys because of her coolness and calm, and the only fault she has was her obsession for _Icha Icha Paradise_—but maybe that was actually a turn-on for most of the male population.

Sasuke lamented not for the first time her ill luck to be assigned to a team filled with annoying people, and silently cursed Konoha's rule about shinobi and kunoichi being in a four-man cell. Why couldn't she just be allowed to work on her own? She was skilled enough to execute missions alone; she was, after all, a member of the prominent Uchiha clan, one of the most powerful families in their village. Heck, her older sister, Itachi, was made ANBU captain at an age where most of her colleagues were still doing target practice in the Academy's grounds. Surely Sasuke was just as good as her sister, right?

But no, their Hokage, the famous shinobi Tsunade, had to be a stick in the mud and force everyone—genin and chunin alike—to be in four-man cells, because that was how it had been since the foundations of their village had been laid.

And right now, her four-man cell was on its way to the most ridiculous mission they had ever been assigned to, one that went against everything Sasuke believed in, that insulted the very principles she tried to uphold.

_Stupid senile sannin, _Sasuke muttered to herself, and then patted her inner shoulder for being so good at alliteration.

___Scene_ 3

"Does everyone understand the plan?" their flat-chested sensei drawled, mouth hidden behind a blue mask, left eye behind her forehead protector.

Beside Sasuke, hyperactive Naruto nodded eagerly, before she said, "Hai! Sasu-chan and I will distract the bodyguards by causing a commotion in the party, and then Sakura-kun will seduce the target until she reveals to him the whereabouts of her father's safe." And then she frowned, "But why does Sakura-kun have to get all the fun? And why use seduction at all? Can't we just kick their asses like we usually do?"

Sakura sighed loudly and scolded their teammate. "Naruto, weren't you listening to what sensei just said? We have to keep a low profile, so we can't _kick their asses, _just like you suggested."

Sasuke wanted to comment that causing a commotion in the party was in no way keeping a low profile, but she was already edgy from the mission details, she didn't think starting an argument with the rest of the team was worth it anymore.

But seriously, what was that senile slug trainer thinking when he sent them to seduce the daughter of a well-known drug lord? And why Sakura, of all people? With any luck, their target would think that Sakura was gay, what with her hair color and large forehead. Sometimes Sasuke suspected Tsunade did not really take their assignments seriously, and just randomly assign cells to whatever mission was available, influenced as he was by the sake he was seen with half of the time.

"Right," Kakashi spoke then, clapping her hands together unenthusiastically, as if two of her students had not argued just half a minute past. "No more questions? Good, let's go." And then she whipped out the latest volume in the Icha Icha series, while Sasuke grumbled before following a bouncing Naruto to the scene.

___Scene _4

"You are such a tsun-tsun, Sasu-chan," Naruto teased as she pressed the cotton ball against Sasuke's cheek, where one of the bodyguards had hit her with a fist half an hour past. Kakashi told her it was her fault, for acting against the plan, and that they were lucky their cover was not blown, not with the way she had behaved.

"Shut up, dobe," Sasuke glared in response, trying not to wince as the antiseptic kissed her wound. On her other side, Sakura was just finishing up the bandages around her bruised right arm, from when the target had thrown a silver bowl at her direction. He was silent the entire time, quietly wrapping the medical gauze while Naruto continued to tease and whine and insult Sasuke all at once.

And then, "You really didn't have to do that, Sasuke-san. I could have handled myself."

Sasuke snorted. "Of course. She was only planning to molest you in front of two hundred people, that's all."

To this Naruto guffawed, Sakura's ears turned as pink as his hair, and even Kakashi offered a small smirk behind her mask.

"But really, don't you find the whole thing romantic?" Naruto fake-gushed, serving to irritate Sasuke all the more. "Sasu-chan suddenly waltzing up to where the target was trying to leave bite marks against Sakura-kun's neck, and then yanking the poor girl's hair away?" A dreamy sigh. "If a guy would do something like that for me, then I'll marry him next Tuesday, dattebayo!"

"Dobe," Sasuke spat. "I did that because it was obvious that Sakura was going nowhere with his pathetic seduction. At least because of what I did, the target was forced to leave the hall, and Kakashi-sensei was able to follow her back to her room, where she unknowingly revealed where her father's safe was."

"It was still careless," Kakashi interjected, shaking her head disapprovingly. "I expected better control from you, Sasuke."

"It was because she secretly loves Sakura-kun," Naruto chimed in, grinning from ear to ear.

"Shut up, dobe," Sasuke muttered darkly, aiming a fist at her blonde teammate.

"But thank you, Sasuke-san," Sakura then spoke from Sasuke's right, making the Uchiha turn to face him. "I was getting uncomfortable with all her attempts at ripping off my tux."

Sasuke blinked before turning away. "It's not that I like you or anything," she muttered, ears heating up for a reason she could not explain. "I was just looking out for a teammate, just like any of you would." Silently, she cursed Tsunade anew, because apparently, getting stuck with her team for years had made Sasuke _soft _when it came to them.

"Anyway, thank you still," Sakura replied, and when Sasuke turned to face him again, he found the shinobi handing him a small red rose, a token of his appreciation. "I really appreciate it."

"Aa," was only Sasuke's audible response, before accepting the rose with her left hand, wondering why her heart was beating more rapidly in between her rather well-endowed breasts.

___Scene_ 5

"Gaah!"

Sasuke sprung out of bed, horrified at the terrible dream he just had. He quickly checked his chest, making sure he did not possess assets that only the female species should have. Relieved to find out that he was, in fact, still a man, he mentally cursed Naruto for showing him his new and improved Sexy no Jutsu the previous day. It must have affected his subconscious so much that he had that nightmare.

Shaking his head at the ridiculousness of it all, Sasuke was about to stroll toward his bathroom to wash up before something caught his eye and made his blood run cold.

On top of his side table, in a white porcelain vase, stood a single red rose.

**Closing Song: "Boy" by Ra Ra Riot**

* * *

**For Fruity Smell. This is my peace offering for the last chapter of **_**Songs for a Dancer. **_**But seriously, I hate you. I hate you for giving me this incredibly difficult prompt, because it was so hard to think of a character I can make into a tsundere. Then I thought of Sasuke. Then I remembered you hated him. Then I laughed evilly. Muahahaha. (But kidding, you know I love you.)**

**For everyone else. Uhh, if you want to blame anyone for this crack, blame Fruity. Yep, this is all on her. I'm just the writer, she's the one who orchestrated everything. I am washing my hands clean of this prompt. Characters are completely OOC, but this is a crack fic anyway, so might as well. It's not every day I can intentionally make them out of character and get away with it, right? Right?**

**Yosh! Reviews, my loves!**


	12. ShinoTenJi: His Mermaid and I (Part 2)

**Title: His Mermaid and I (Part II)**

**Characters: Neji, Tenten, Shino, Hinata**

**Requested by: CAT**

**Prompt: ****ShinoTenJi: Shino as a nosey animal lover, Tenten as a feisty mermaid, and Neji as Tenten's secret caretaker **

**Universe: Alternate**

**Category: Friendship/Humor/Romance**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: ****And then she was swimming away, turning every once in a while to wave at them, before she disappeared into the horizon, and Neji was sure his heart disappeared right along with her.**

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**Opening Song: "You Are Free" by Mates of State**

i.

Exactly three days later, Neji's worst nightmare came true.

A group of poachers, the very same group that killed Tenten's family more than half a year ago, broke into the Hyuuga mansion while Neji was at work, intent on kidnapping the prized mermaid who escaped their grasp the first time around.

They had been searching for her for quite some time, and finally discovered her whereabouts when Shino, bless his well-meaning but stupid soul, took Tenten out for some fresh air, the one day the poachers passed by the Hyuuga's private land, after a hard—and illegal—day's work.

After Hinata's frantic call, it took Neji thirty minutes to rush from his office to the mansion—a feat, considering that the Hyuuga Corporation was well over an hour's drive away on a good day—and arrived just in time to find Maito Gai, their ever-reliable butler, deliver the finishing blow to the last of the poachers, while Hinata, brave, sweet little Hinata, was standing in front of a terrified Tenten, a golf club in her shaking lithe arms, both of them at the farthest corner of the pond, while Gai beat up the criminals for scaring his youthful charges.

"Kuya Neji!" Tenten sobbed when the older Hyuuga came into view, but remained cowering behind Hinata, who looked distressed and relieved at the same time.

Neji was in the pond with them in a flash, throwing arms around both women, the two people he considered the most important in his life, and asked, demanded, that they tell him if they were hurt, and _what did those bastards did to you?!_

Mermaid and human hugged him back, both sobbing and telling him how frightened they were, _they had weapons, Kuya Neji! _and _I thought they were going to take Tenten-san away!_, until Maito Gai, with teeth pinging ridiculously, walked over and informed them that he had tied up all the intruders, and that the police were on their way at that very minute.

"Thank you, Gai," Neji responded, before reminding the butler that the police must not find out about Tenten's existence. Said butler nodded in agreement and flashed a thumbs up, before bouncing back to where the criminals were, dragging them by the scruffs of their neck—Neji was not sure how the butler was able to drag all five men in one go, but Gai did have insane strength even before he was employed by the Hyuugas, something about wearing spandex underneath his clothes to help with his endurance and agility—to take them to the parlor, where they would be picked up by the authorities.

ii.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Neji asked for the third time, when the police had left, thinking the poachers were common thieves, out to rob the Hyuugas their vast riches. Hinata had retired to her room for the night, exhausted no doubt by the commotion that happened earlier that day. Neji opted to stay with the mermaid for a little longer, making sure she'd be okay and not too shaken up by the experience.

"I'll be fine, Kuya Neji," Tenten answered, except that her voice lacked its usual mirth, and Neji could not see the usual twinkle in her eyes.

"Tenten," the Hyuuga replied, reaching out for the mermaid's right hand to enclose it in his own. "I promise this will never happen again."

The brunette nodded weakly, before looking upward the ceiling made of glass. "It's all my fault. If I hadn't agreed to go with Shino outside, they would have never found me. I'm so sorry, Kuya Neji."

Neji clenched his fist and shook his head. "None of this is your fault," he assured her, his hold on her hand tightening, but not enough to hurt. "You need not blame yourself for what happened."

The mermaid turned brown eyes to her savior and looked at him thoughtfully for a while. And then, "Kuya Neji?" A pause, in which Neji took the time to nod his head, indicating that he was listening to her.

"I think I'm ready now."

iii.

Shino was there the next day, having heard from Hinata what had happened, and worried about Tenten's condition.

He was welcomed by Maito Gai and showed into the parlor, where he was offered some youthful tea and dynamic crackers, and then praised for his youthful concern for their beautiful blossom and pretty petunia.

Five minutes later, a hostile Neji appeared, telling him in not so many words that if it were up to him, he'd make sure Shino could never take another step in their house, but as it was, the bug aficionado was considered a friend by both his cousin and Tenten, so Neji would tolerate his existence in the meantime.

He did warn Shino though that if anything was to happen to either Tenten or Hinata because of his nosiness, he would suffer gravely as a consequence.

Shino muttered a quiet _Aa, _finished the rest of his youthful tea, and followed Neji to the pond.

iv.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Neji asked, as he and Hinata and Shino stood on the shore of a deserted island, while a somber Tenten sat on the warm sand, waves lapping at her fins. They were a couple of miles out in the Pacific Ocean, far enough that no poachers would spot them, but near enough that Neji's yacht could come back without running low on fuel.

The mermaid nodded solemnly, and tried to smile and reassure the group that yes, she was ready, ready to go back to the ocean, to face her fears and live her life free from her past, to _finally go home._

"If this is about what happened last week, I told you it's not your fault," Neji said, wishing, hoping, that the mermaid would change her mind. He knew he was being selfish, wanting to keep Tenten for as long as he could, but he was worried and had grown attached to her and _damn it, _he cared for her more than he was supposed to.

The mermaid shook her head and reached out an arm, which Neji automatically took. "I can't keep on hiding in your house, Kuya Neji. I can't keep relying on you and Hinata and Tito Gai to protect me. Being attacked by the poachers made me realize that. I need to . . . I need to move on with my life, Kuya Neji. I need to face my fears and grow up."

She then turned to Shino, silent, stoic Shino, and gave him a friendly smile, the same one she gave him the first time they met. "Thank you for all your wonderful stories, Shino," she said, reaching for him with her other hand. They held each other for a few seconds—too long, Neji mused darkly, making him tighten his hold onto Tenten's other hand just a little bit—before Tenten continued, "I hope I can listen to more of your commentaries about the different kinds of beetles and butterflies."

"You will," Shino answered, more solemn than he usually was, "because we will see each other again. I promise you that."

The mermaid grinned and let go of Shino's hand, but not before squeezing it in a silent thank you.

"And Hinata," she continued, and suddenly the younger Hyuuga was sobbing, as she wrapped her arms around her friend, stuttering and crying about how much she was going to miss her, how thankful she was that they became friends, and she would never forget her, _never._

"Of course," Tenten answered, returning her embrace. "The next time we see each other, you better have made some development over your relationship with that Kiba person, okay?"

Hinata blushed beet red, while Shino coughed silently from behind.

And suddenly it was Neji's turn, and Tenten gave him the warmest smile he had ever seen, and it was enough to make him want to convince her to stay. But Tenten wanted her freedom, and he was going to give it to her, because if he didn't, well, wouldn't that make him no better than those poachers who wanted to get their hands on her?

"Promise me you'll visit me?" she asked, hopeful. Neji nodded, clutching both her hands and pressing it against his chest. "I'll come by once a month, right here, and wait for you," he promised, before Tenten threw her arms around him, sobbing and telling him she would miss him the most, that she was very grateful that he saved her life, and that she would never forget him, all the things he did for her.

And then she was swimming away, turning every once in a while to wave at them, before she disappeared into the horizon, and Neji was sure his heart disappeared right along with her.

v.

The first month, Neji found Tenten waiting for him on the shore, hair adorned with turquoise seashells, a hyperactive merman beside her. Something ugly stirred in Neji's heart, but he quickly quelled it, as Gai tied the yacht against a nearby rock, and Hinata and Shino hopped down the boat, the former running toward the mermaid, throwing her lithe body onto Tenten's.

"Everyone, this is Lee!" Tenten grinned as she introduced her companion. "He's my cousin! We found each other when I was trying to go back home!"

Neji found himself sighing a quiet sigh of relief, before nodding his acknowledgement to the merman, who, upon closer inspection, looked suspiciously like their butler. It didn't help that Gai seemed immediately taken by him, and within minutes the two were engaged in a serious conversation that centered around rainbow-scaled fishes and seahorses during spring.

Neji shook his head in disbelief, before he noticed that Shino was hogging all of Tenten's attention with a detailed description of a king beetle. Neji gave them an additional five minutes before he promptly cut in and pushed Shino away from view.

vi.

The third month, Neji came alone, and Lee was not with Tenten either. It was the first time he and the mermaid found any time alone, and Neji cherished every second of it, grateful that for once, he could have Tenten all for himself.

"Is it everything you remembered?" he asked, absentmindedly wrapping a lock of Tenten's hair around his index finger. "The ocean."

"Mmh," the mermaid murmured, leaning in so that her back rested against Neji's chest. "It's beautiful as ever."

They stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, watching wave upon wave crash into the sandy shore, comfortable in each other's presence, knowing all too well that sunset was coming soon enough, and they would have to be apart once again.

And then, "I've missed you."

Tenten giggled and snuggled closer. "You're getting soft, Kuya Neji," she teased, but quietly wrapped her arms around the Hyuuga's torso before he had the chance to feel embarrassed from his sudden drop of character.

"I've missed you too."

vii.

Six months later, Tenten told him that she found a way to become human, at least temporarily—she heard of rumors about a magical seashell in the middle of the Atlantic that could do wonders—but it would require a procedure she was not sure she was ready to take.

"You shouldn't do anything that would endanger you," Neji said, holding her tighter in his arms when the mermaid tried to wiggle free.

"But wouldn't it be nice to have legs, even for a while?" Tenten pouted, squirming. "I could go to the places you and Hinata and Shino have kept talking about."

"I'd rather you remain safe," Neji answered, burying his face in her hair. "It doesn't matter if you have legs or fins. You'll still be special to me all the same."

A silent interval, and then, "That's exactly why I have to do this, Kuya Neji."

viii.

Tenten did not come at the appointed day on the seventh month, nor on the eighth. Still Neji kept visiting, sometimes with Hinata, sometimes by himself. But neither the feisty mermaid nor her eccentric merman cousin appeared, and after one and a half years, Hinata approached him as he was loading his equipment in the yacht and told him, quietly, that perhaps, just perhaps, it was time to move on.

Neji left his cousin standing at the dock after ten minutes, and returned home half a day later, with nothing to show for his effort, except for a heavy heart.

ix.

"Why do you not give up?" Shino asked him one day, when the bug lover spotted him heading toward the dock, no doubt planning to go to the island once again. The two had developed a silent understanding long past, stemmed from their obvious affection for the two women in their lives. "Because it is obvious that she has moved on."

Neji turned indifferent eyes at his unwelcomed guest, and answered, "Because I'm sure she hasn't."

x.

"Lovely day for fishing, don't you think?"

Neji froze in midstep, arms suspended in midair, rope slipping past sturdy fingers. Slowly turning around, he saw her—all sparkly brown eyes and bright grin—wearing a sunflower-printed dress, hair tied in two buns, a seashell-pendant necklace hanging around her neck.

Two years later, and there stood Tenten, glittery fins replaced with a pair of toned legs, strapped in leather sandals that suspiciously looked like Hinata's.

A beat, and Neji found himself running, _running, _until Tenten was in his arms and she was laughing, her voice stirring something in his heart, returning a feeling he thought he had lost forever.

"Kumusta, Kuya Neji?" came the chirpy greeting, which Neji immediately answered with a warm and long overdue kiss.

Finally, his mermaid found her way home.

**Closing Song: "Kiss the Girl" from **_**The Little Mermaid **_**OST**

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**For CAT. Part 2, as promised. I switched the POV from Shino to Neji, because I think it would fit better with the storyline I planned. I hope that's okay? I really enjoyed writing this story, never mind it's weird and totally bizarre. Thank you for the request.**

**For everyone else. I hope this was worth the wait. I played around with a few clichés, and I swear, I almost invented an Ursula-ish character, but scraped the idea the last minute. Neji is a little OOC, but seriously, how can anyone not be, with a plot like this?**

**Also, credit goes to Fruity Smell for the line "some ****youthful tea and dynamic crackers."**** She is our resident Gai-lingo expert, I swear her inner fangirl is Gai-sensei's distant cousin.**

**Reviews will be beautiful, and maybe just a tad bit glittery.**


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